Day 31I have to say after all the good days ive been having yesterday started pretty rough, I thought it was the friendship of one person that got me through the day unscaved, a friend that I have not talked to for twenty eight years until I started this blog. I have to say in the last thirty days I have learned more about friendship and the commitment that goes with it than I have my whole life, I am able to squash chaos and bring calmness to my mind without even talking to this person, all I have to do is think of them and I realize that I have a friend in my life that cares about me, someone I can trust, someone that is not afraid to go out on a limb to keep me from falling, these new feelings of friendship give me the strength to move past those feelings of hopelessness and I am realizing that I am not worthless and some people do care about me. I can truly say that I love you k from sd, thank you. I thought it was only this friendship that got me through yesterday but this morning I realized several other people had their hands in it, my cousin Dan for planting that seed of walking alone, it seems there are days when we will walk alone and being prepared for it made it much more acceptable. My friend that has been constantly reminding me to be prepared for those bad days, and I was because of her. My boss for giving me the opportunity to race, he raced last night and I spent the evening at the track with him learning more about bracket racing. And the innocence of my granddaughter, I took her to the racetrack with me, I cannot tell you how much it warms my heart to answer all her silly little questions and see the light in her eyes when she smiles at me. I have to thank all of these people for getting me through a rough day because I am surely not strong enough to do it on my own.
I feel everybody is entitled to their own opinion and I will listen to every single one that I hear and take it into consideration, take what I believe to be true and discard the rest, I truly believe the world has misled a lot of people by telling us we can't help addicts until they're ready, if your child had pneumonia would you put them out in the cold and close the door. That is a helpless child in need of care, addicts are no different and seldom heal themselves, addicts are sick broken down people that will never regain their lives without the love and compation from their families and friends. The world has told us to sit back and wait for our loved ones to find their own way to a better life; well I believe the world to be wrong. If you distance yourself from an addict in fear of them hurting you once again then you need to get out your dictionary and look up the word love because that sounds pretty selfish to me and I'm pretty sure that's the opposite of love. Addicts are like helpless children that need guidance and reassurance to climb out from under that rock where they have been hiding, you may not save them in a day but each time you go out of your way to express your love for them you will build hope in their heart that will in time lead them out of hopelessness, do not be fooled by what the world has taught you, do not slam the door in their face, invite them in for a little love, you will be surprised how far it will take them, I believe this to be true with all of my heart and will not be swayed.
Well it seems that every wall I come to does have a door if I am patient and look hard enough for it. Financial stability is something I have never had and through my extensive drug use I have ruined my credit, ive tried to open a bank account several times in the last year only to be told my credit was to bad. They wouldn't even let me open a savings account, what is an addict to do when he gets paid, carry around four or five hundred dollars all the time, not very smart. Today I decided to open a door so I went t a bank today and explained this dilemma to them. I told them about my blog and twenty eight years of drug use and that there's got to be a solution, not only for me but for all that are in my position. We discussed a restricted account, savings only with no teller card and wala, next week when I get paid she has informed me to come to her and open an account, not only that but she told me they will reevaluate me in six months and if all is well bump me up. This is a huge step in gaining my own independence and opening doors for others like me to do the same I plan to go to a few more banks and see if they too will make an exception for people In my situation. Well one more problem that is no longer a problem. Well I still have two very big issues to deal with but today is not the day, I will enjoy this new stress free life today and worry about the rest tomorrow. Saving the world one person at a time, James
It is important for you to rely on yourself....you prove everyday that you can handle problems on your own....I am so proud of you in regard to the bank.....Wow....you took a problem and you solved it. Now you need to work hard with the bank to prove yourself and prove that you can be trusted not just for yourself but perhaps for someone else.....The one person you need to save Is Jimmy..........lets save him first and worry about the rest of the world later. I am enjoying hearing about the racing.
ReplyDeleteMy husband raced sprint cars for years and was pretty good as he always raced for someone else and got paid........he also raced motercycles for Yamaha.......Baha 1000.......the first and then for several years......so we are avid nascar fans...........anyway Hugs to you Aunt P.
I like the way you didn't take "no" for an answer from the bank, and I am glad that you found a solution. You have a good point about compassion and love, however I believe most relationships are two-way streets. For a parent-child relationship, you can expect unconditional love, but in other cases it is a rare gift. I am not trying to sway you, but if someone stole your hard-earned money from you, week after week, before you got to the bank, it might wear you down. My opinion is that drug addiction starts as a series of choices, and you are growing stronger now because you changed your choice to "NO".
ReplyDeleteBoy, I never thought about the fact that if you were an addict and couldn't get a bank account, then you have all this cash...OF COURSE,that makes so much sense. Naive me never put those two together. I am so proud of you for heading that off and finding a solution. Do you know how many people, addicts or not, would have just sat back and said, oh well, that's life, poor me. Jimmy, it takes REAL GUTS to go into a bank and tell them what you did. I don't know if I could have done that, really! That take balls man!
ReplyDeleteIn relfecting about today's writing. It makes sense that if a child was sick, or an adult for that matter, one should not close the door on those people. Of course we would help them to get better. A child has no other and MUST rely on others to help them to heal. But, as with every adult, no matter what the "illness" we all have to take some personal responsibility. As an adult, you can only help as much as you can. You can only love as much as you can. If the other person doesn't want to heal or it is not their time to heal yet, then I believe we can only be that support and love, but not be the enabler to the illness. I hope I am making sense but that is how I feel.If you had a disease you could cure yet you insisted on going back and exposing yourself to the virus, there is only so much a friend or relative can do to remove you from the threat. Again, back to the personal reponsibility. On my end, Jimmy, you have my love and support. If telling you that you are a smart, talented, loved man causes you to see yourself in a different light and therefore not go seeking the virus/bandaid but the cure for your disease, than so be it. You are loved by many and always have been. K in SD
Jeremiah 31:3 The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.
ReplyDeleteHe was showing the prophet as many times as Israel had went their own ways and not in the right way, God had always loved them even when he was angry and cooled of he would be like , you know what. I love you. I'm gonna help you, we can fix this.
You don't have to believe to parallel this with a everlasting love you should have for a family member. I think we loose focus out of frustration that we don't know what more we can do to help them, but this verse says "with LOVINGKINDNESS have I drawn thee". Note that lovingkindness as one word!
Love is the key bro. Everlasting love. God Bless Ya Jim! Love Ya man....
Your kids are on wellfare and have been there whole life. You have stolen from every member of your family including your kids christmas money from there grandma for crack, and now you want to blame it on family who didn't love you enough to help you....What a crock of shit...After you destroy every relationship you had, now you want to save the world...Try repairing your relationships with your biological children and family members you have let down for the past 20 years, before trying to save the world...Priorities? Don't act like no one has tried to help you in the past, cause they have alot and you just shit on them and then acted like it was there fault for giving you too much responsibility....All about jim as usual....Tell the whole truth man...that might set you free...problem is you don't know what the truth is....Ask your kids
ReplyDeleteHey Jimmy, one negative comment out of the many bro, don't let it take you down. Consider the source. Know that you are trying now to mend these things.You have to start somewhere. Chances are the one with the comment needs forgiveness of certain things too, but probably could not give a crap what others think about them if they have ever wronged anyone. At least you care or you would not be trying to do the mending now before it is too late.
ReplyDeleteYou are working hard to get on track, I most likely believe that comment must of been written by an ex to see the kids mentioned so many times.
You may want to without controversy or argument prove yourself the better person.Not them but to those children and family members spoken of in the comment.
Love ya bro! Roll with the blows there will always be haters it's sad to see ones heart so bitter, but addiction is a disease and if I recollect just as the rest of us from the hood it probably began in your early teens if not sooner. It is a disease that blinds you after a while of setting in and you do see no one else but what is gonna medicate the symptoms.
Well you finally decided bro enough was enough and are cutting away the cancers that there may be life under all the dead cells. Keep cutting away and keep seeking life.
Sounds like the above there may be heavy scar tissues that need cut away so that any living cells can live.
God Bless You Jimmy!
My brother's are not on welfare because of their father, their in the system because of both of THEIR parents choices! THEIR FATHER has finally stepped up to the plate and has come face to face with his faults! Wish my mother would see this and learn from it. But please let us remember who was getting high with our christmas money as it wasn't just dad! Biological or not; family is family. I was raised with Jimmy and he is just as much my father as he is my brother's! Internet breeds false courage; if you are going to make such accusations you could at least be a little less of a coward and sign your comment.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Hilary
PS: Thanks mom, one day you will see the truth as well and hop on the drug-free boat!
Dad, I am still very proud of you. I am glad you are still sober and glad you have made the right choices finally.
Just read about your blog in the Times Free Press. Your story makes my heart sign. You've obviously got a lot to offer the world. Keep on keeping on. Your story offers hope to me that my loves ones who continue to lives as addicts will one day have a change of heart.
ReplyDeleteMakes my heart SING, not sign, not sigh. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to see you are getting a lot of support and are continuing to make progress. I'm not sure I buy the druggie as helpless child analogy. Once you become a man, those who love you may help you but you, alone, must bear the responsibility for who and what you are. As for the past, there is no point in crying over spilt milk. This is true regardless of who may have spilled it or contributed to spilling it. I encourage you to stay focused on the kind of man that you want to be for the rest of you life and to do the things that are necessary to be that man. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteYour story is an inspiration to me as I have struggled for 15 or more years, while leading a professional life and trying to be a good husband and father. I'm on day 2 and I have major doubts. Your story does inspire me to try hard. Another sleepless night......
ReplyDeleteWow, I miss a day and come back to a lot here. Legacy thanks for having Jimmy's back. Jimmy you are probably going to be getting a lot more negative comments and a lot of it will be hard to hear but you will recognize the truth when you hear it. I am sure nine out of ten people will stay positive and I know a lot of people are so so proud and impressed by what you are doing. Know that you are loved and let yourself love yourself. ~DG
ReplyDeleteJim, I obviously don't know you like your one negative commenter does, and there may be some truth in what he's saying that you needed to hear, but don't let it de-rail what you've accomplished thus far. You've obviously hurt a lot of people, but that doesn't mean healing can't take place. It will, no doubt, take longer with some than with others, and some may never forgive you to their own hurt, but remember, God's grace is sufficient. Still praying and catching up on your blog!
ReplyDeleteJack