Day 19. Well for the second day in a row I can't wait to write. I just got up a while ago and my mind is filled with things I want to talk about. As I took a shower I was thinking about all the opportunities I have squandered and how far ahead in life I could be right now. If I would've stayed in school and went to college, the amount of money I would have in the bank and the things I would own. I had to come to the realization that I am actually thankful for the roads I have taken; it was all those mistakes in my life that has given me the knowledge that I have today. And believe it or not, as I sit here wondering where I'm going to live and if I'm going to be able to get a good enough job to pay those bills, for some reason I have never felt more safe and at ease in my life. I play power ball and mega-millions 4 times a week. I know I'm supposed to win, but I don't want to play anymore. I'm afraid all that money will distract me from what I love, learning more about life and maybe being lucky enough to teach a few other people some things along the way. You see, I'm very much enjoying learning how to live, it is not something I want to rush or fast forward through. I am at a very comfortable place right now and I'm enjoying life more than ever. I've always known I'm supposed to do something or be someone special. I think the problem was I was always afraid of failing. Well this is already a success so what do I have to lose? A friend of mine told me a long time ago I should stop trying to get rich and start helping people. I didn't know what he meant at the time but it stuck with me, and now I feel I have a better understanding of what he meant.
Something else that has been on my mind a lot the last few days, the drugs and booze are gone, that has not been a topic in what, twelve or thirteen days? What if I were to say that I didn't think drugs and booze were the actual problem? Maybe just a nasty side effect from a different problem. Do not get me wrong, my life has been totally blinded by these things and by no means am I even thinking of going back. I have seen people struggle and struggle to stay clean but that's all they do and when nothing else changes they go back. I am starting to believe that low self esteem and no self worth has led me farther and farther into my own little world. Drugs and booze were nothing but a tool to hide behind. Sense I have been writing this blog and discovering all these things about me, drugs and booze is the last thing on my mind. It sure feels good. Once again I thank you for your comments, the idiot has not returned to the building. James
Nothing wrong with wanting to get rich, but playing the lottery is not the way to do it. You need a better plan. Helping others is a great way to get started. There is a book called "The Artist Way" may help you with the blocks to creativity and with self esteem. You're on the right track and it sounds like you will stay on it. Have a nice evening, love and a hug...Sandra
ReplyDeleteIt's almost always better to accumulate wealth slowly over time. That way, you learn to appreciate and value of what it took years to achieve. When a person comes into wealth suddenly, it almost never goes well for them. Usually they squander the money on selfish pleasures because it came to easily. Gambling (even a legal lottery) is a vice just like drugs or any other addictive behavior. You are being led, even in spite of yourself, in the right direction. Don't fight it! Still praying.
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