Well, day thirteen! Wow, there have been times that I have stayed clean longer than this, but I have never worked so hard on all other aspects that pertain to staying clean. I have been reviewing and rewriting my first 10 days because I was drunk for half of it, and this is really the first time I've ever done anything like this. I stayed in school for about two months of the ninth grade, nobody made me go so I didn't. Fortunately I did get my GED in 1991 I believe, I don't remember taking the tests but I gotta piece of paper that says I did. So this is very much a learning process for me. As I read pages ten through twelve it brings a smile to my face because I can really see the improvements. Today I am going to take a break from improvements and back on track. It is a must that I put my blinders back on. I was offered some work out of town yesterday and I really want to go. My daughter is looking at me like I'm an idiot, she's not saying no, but she is quick to voice her opinion, "not a good idea," she says. Well she knows me pretty well and you know that moral responsibility, honesty and all.
As I was trying to go to sleep last night, I found myself thinking how nice it would be to grill a fat steak and maybe have a beer or two, what could it hurt? No one would know, I would know, and all of this would be nothing but a lie. I cannot face the guilt of lying to all of those who believe in me. This is why I need all of you to keep a close eye on me. I have a bad habit of letting myself down, it is you that I do not want to let down. I believe as time passes and my character grows stronger, it will be easier to make the right decisions but for now I need each and every one of you. I believe with this eye in the sky, we call the internet, and my blinders on good and tight, taking this job offer is not such a bad idea. It is a test that needs to be taken. I will have to shop around and get a lap top. There will be no excuse for me not to be here. Old habits die hard, I am happier than I ever have been and an idiotic thought like last night's came to mind. It tried to sneak in when I wasn't paying attention, wow! Well ill have to say today's blog has made me tighten the blinders up a little bit. Call me an idiot if you want but I think I'm past it.
Jim
Jim, I don't really know what to say. I just feel that I have to say something. I reread day 13 three times now and I've been sitting staring at the page for about half an hour. I can't leave without saying that I hope you don't go. I hope you take the advice of your daughter. I don't even know why I think the time isn't right to take an out of town job right now. I just feel it. I know that sounds silly. I will keep praying. Take care of yourself and maybe you could say a prayer and ask God's advice about this job. Listen carefully for God's answer. God Bless you and your family. I pray that God protects you from temptation.
ReplyDeleteYour daughter is right, Jim. You're on dangerous ground here. Be careful! Still praying!
ReplyDeleteMaking decisions between what is right and what is wanted is very difficult. If you are questioning if it is the right time to accept a challange then you need to think hard before you go. Don't step yourself up to fail. Don't be too impatient...remember the race between the tortoise and the hare...slow and persistent wins the race. even if you are confident that you are ready proceed with caution.
ReplyDeleteNot knowing you or your daughter, but I think that after all your daughter has done for you her opinion should be seriously considered. You have turned the parent-child relationship around by depending on her, so keep it real by also respecting her authority. She sounds like she wants what is best for you and you should trust her whole-heartedly.
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