Day 25

I woke up this morning and realized I am no longer afraid of life, what an empowering feeling. The feelings of intimidation to talk to people or say what's on my mind are going away. I cannot explain how relaxed I feel, I feel good but not excited, maybe this is what normal people that haven't been on drugs there hole life feel like every day. I'm not sure but I like it. I am starting to feel like I don't have to take crap from other people, they are no better than I am, as long as I am living my life right. I am definitely starting to care more about myself, personal appearance and hygiene has never been important to me at all. I guess when you feel like every body already formed their opinion of you what's the point. I am learning that you can change peoples opinions by changing yourself, if you are taking the steps to improve your life people will have no other alternative but to show you some respect, and if they don't you don't need them in you r life. At least that how I feel about it.

Well today Ive had some major breakthroughs, I wasn't too happy about my writing the last two days, I felt rushed and had so much on my mind I couldn't think clearly. Today I was able to get answers to some stuff I just couldn't get off my mind. One of them, I believe, success depends on. I believe my recovery depends on me getting a job where I don't have to lie about who I am or where I was twenty six days ago. Having to lie about yourself to get a job opens the door to more lies and this will spill over into your life at home, it doesn't' take long till you are once again living a lie, nobody respects a liar. Ive gone back to a man that has ran me off three times, I think, not sure. I asked him to read my blog, this is not only my application to life but it's my job app . My life is what it is and I cannot change that but  I can change today, I know I love where my life is headed and I will not let obstacles change my direction. This person is once again taking a chance on me and for the first time in my life I felt obligated to make a commitment, this is the first time in my life ive ever thought about the seriousness of commitment and what it means, your only as good as your word, for some reason now it makes sense. I have commited to this man forty hours a week, same wages, and no side jobs for six months. This is a commitment I want to keep, not only to build on my reputation but there is another reason, the last time I had gotten him so fed up he told me that was it, he was tired of helping people. Im not going to be that person that turns him cold on helping others, my conscience is clearing up, id like to keep it that way. Can life really be this good, I think so, with the right choices.   james