Day 12

Good afternoon, it is day 12! I had planned on spending yesterday reading all ten pages and writing about them, but I spent most of the day on page 1. Now that I can think straight I am reading a lot more into what I wrote. I slept so good last night and I think it's a combination of the joy that I'm getting out of sharing my thoughts and being worn out from thinking so much. Physical labor does not make me near as tired as writing. So what am I trying to say on day two is, believe it or not on day two I was very drunk, but I remember the point I was trying to get to. As a druggy, I haven't had any meaningful relationships, and I've been in relationships for many many years at a time, but druggies tend to say what people want to hear to keep them around and hide what they feel so not to chase people away, I do not believe I have had a relationship with anyone ever where I have actually had a conversation about how I feel. I believe the most parenting I got were other peoples parents telling me to stay away cause I'm a bad influence. Well anyway back to the point, this blog has allowed me to express my feelings without the anxiety of being face to face with somebody, plus it allows me to build a support group that will not only follow my progress but hold me accountable. I not only want to succeed for myself, but also for all of my friends and family who are now able to check on me in a single click. I know most addicts don't have a computer and internet, but they have family and friends that do. I'm at my daughters house on her internet because my computer is lost in pawn; and a lot of druggies won't know how to set up a blog, I didn't either, like I said yesterday if it wasn't for my daughter I wouldn't be here today.

I believe that blogging is a very very important tool that will not only help build large support groups, but allow your friends and family across the usa to keep tabs on your progress. I want a lot more out of my blog. I want to touch souls all the way around the world, I want to inspire both sides, druggies and the people that care about them, both sides need to do their part. Well that's day two

Now I will talk about day three. To be honest with you I don't remember much of it because I was drinking more and more each day. My daughter had left early that morning to go to Florida for the weekend, I felt like I was alone once again and thought real hard about getting high but I knew whatever I wrote she would read. Knowing that she could still watch me actually kept me clean. On day three, I thought it was very important to let my support group, Hilary, know how important she was to me. So for all you addicts you had better remember just how many times you've let those people in your lives down, you can justify it all you want to but more than likely it's your fault. If they come back to help you once again you best not let them down, and suck it up and apologize for a few things, I'm sure they have it coming.

There are three things about day 4 I would like to talk about. The responsibilitys of setting the right example, setting goals and the following. First and foremost, I feel there is a strong responsibility in public speaking, and in a way that's what this is. I feel not only a responsibility of total honesty but a moral responsibility to make wise life changing decisions for the better as not to mislead anybody down the wrong road and that is my word which may mean something once again if I keep this up. Setting goals when I started this I set goals for myself, every seven days quit something. I believe you have to prepare your mind before you put your body through those changes psych yourself out and make yourself accountable. Tell people what you're going to do; knowing they're going to look at you like a failure will make you stronger. The more people that watch me the stronger I become. It is very important to me that I know you are there. My blog doesn't tell me how many people have read it and I wonder sometimes if there's more than 5 people reading it so please become a follower or comment so I know you were there. The more people watching, means more responsibility on my part to do a better job. I'm not an idiot and I will see you tomorrow.