day 27

Day 27, well it is almost eight in the morning, ive been up since six but I spent this morning writing to someone that's been a huge inspiration to me, this person has been a big part of me regaining my self worth, thanks again, you know who you are.

It seems the farther I go with this the more I learn, my cousin told me awhile back not to be surprised to find that people that were close to me before may not be the ones that walk beside me on this journey and he was right. The two people I thought were the closest to me are nowhere to be seen anymore, and old friends that I have not talked to in 20 plus years and people I don't even know, besides hill have been the strength that has kept this alive. It seems a lot of things I'm learning are steps in recovery but I just didn't believe them at the time, I think when you're an addict you tend to not trust the system or anyone in it. I constantly here people say that addicts have to hit bottom and be ready to quit, I'm pretty sure that if you're an addict and your getting high everyday to avoid life you are at the bottom, and I don't know one addict that isn't ready to quit, they just don't see any light at the the end of the tunnel, and even if there was a glimpse of light they don't know how to get to it. That is one of the main reasons for this blog, to lead people to the light. To show people there is life after drugs and it is not as overwhelming as it seems. I have wanted to get my life straight for as long as I can remember but did not know how. If I can do it anyone can because I was an addict in the worst way. I would spend every cent I had every day and then try to think of where I could get more money waking up in the morning thinking oh god, how I am going to fix this. Every single day for years, not believing in what the rehabs told me, I would quit using and struggle with it severely because I never tried to fix the other parts of my life that made me want to use in the first place. Well now I have found a way to do that and its working tremendously,

Every day I am feeling better and better and I am realizing that I no longer have to dream of a better life, I have wonderful ideas that will change the world and no, the sky is not the limit, there is no limit to what I can achieve. I woke up this morning with a confidence that I never new excited, now I know how people can be so successful, by feeling like this. i also woke up with a knowing direction, with both of these in my life I will not submit to defeat, when I started this blog I had neither, and no idea what I was doing or where this was going. Now I do, I believe that all of the people that are behind me and my self are pioneers of what is to become. What we have done together has saved my life. You may not see that side of it but I do cause I was the one dying, this blog and the support that it has given me has turned my life around in just twenty seven days, I truly believe it wasn't the drugs I was fighting, it was myself, I believe we are creating the rehab/ therapy sessions of the future, opening doors for hundreds of thousands of people so that they may once again live. when I started out I thought about writing a book, well this is my book and it will never end, and it will never be for sale, it is free for all that it may help, forever. I want to scream from the rooftops to get this out. It occurred to me today that this is not just a story for the Chattanooga times, this online rehab with face book as a support group, this is a story in every city where someone is helping me, you are part of the story, the word needs to get out, there's a free rehab on line, if you believe in me and what I am doing call your local news paper and tell them to just read it, that's what I did with chatt times, all they can do is say no, chatt times thought it was important enough to do a story on. I believe I am already becoming that person that people can look up to. I finally have a direction and the confidence to go with it, my fear of all the wrongs of the past are gone and I am thinking clearer and seeing farther, I know I will never get to the end of this path because it has no end. I will walk down it slowly taking in all that I can and giving back As much as I can and all of you are responsible for helping me get here, pioneers I tell ya. Thanks, James

Ps drugs and alcohol will probably be in my mind for a long time and when I started driving I was nervous cause that's when I usually screw it up but I can't tell you how good it feels to drive by that crack house, not on the actual road, I can see the road from the freeway, and actually realize I have way to much to lose to even think about taking that exit, I can sincerely say I am very conscious of what a bad decision that would be. I am way to happy with who I am and where I'm going to make that mistake