Once again I cannot wait to write. This is such a new feeling for me, getting up and wanting to do something. I guess this is living, I love it! I feel like in just 20 days I have come such a long way and I feel like every day I am gaining wisdom. The idiot has left the building; it feels good to get rid of him! All he seems to do is bring me down. I know at this point I would be a fool to let the joy that I feel blind me from my old life so I will proceed with caution and not get to high on this rollercoaster of life in fear of falling off. I know it's only twenty days but I think it's a pretty long way down from here that could hurt.
My topic for the day is confusion, my confusion. I know I am writing this blog so that I may learn how to live a better life and also maybe teach other people how to do the same thing. I don't believe you have to be an addict to learn from what I've gone through. Addiction is just the tip of the iceberg for me. I have to rewrite just about every aspect in my life. Rebuild my character, establish what I believe to be my morals and values, define the difference between sex and love, because there not the same. The list goes on and on. So there is a long way to go and a lot to work on and I'm sure there will be a lot of mistakes along the way, but I am on the way. My dilemma is approval. I talked two days ago about being so worried about what everyone else thought and seeking their approval like it was a bad thing. Well I know it is, if your compromising your values to get it, but I am finding that as each day goes by and I feel as though I have learned something new and write about it. I watch for my computer to say message hoping for some type of approval in their comment. Is this a bad thing? Is this wanting of approval going to stunt my growth? Is it healthy? Because I don't have to compromise my values, or should I just already know what I'm saying is right and not care what anyone else thinks? I think wanting approval can be healthy if you are seeking it from people that are living their lives right. It is the positive approval from all of you that has kept me going with this blog. I had no idea I could even write or if my writing was any good until my readers started telling me. Sure I think it's good, but I wrote it, and although I do seek your approval I am now learning the difference between selling myself and listening to good advice. I surely don't think I know everything so your opinions are very important to me. I learn something every day that I read the comments you write, that's the whole idea for comments. I think that's about it for tonight but I would like to thank two friends that have really helped me feel better about myself with their friendship, thank you.
James
It always helps to have the reinforcemnt of your actions and opinions from others people you admire, all of us need that. However it has to be your opinion of yourself and your relationship to God that are the most important. Writing this blog seems to help you focus or something other than your addictions but this will not sustain you in the long run. I pray that you will find your way to God, who will sustain you.
ReplyDeleteMy opinion is that you are great Jimmy but my opinion is not what makes it so. ~dg
ReplyDeleteJim, I appreciate how important it is for you to have the approval of those of us who are in your corner and cheering you on, and I'm sure most of us will continue to do so as long as you need our support, but the important thing is that you learn to approve of yourself. What I mean is, you have to come to terms with what it is that gives you value. Is it your writing ability? The fact that you've been relatively clean for twenty days? Is it the skills you've accumulated through the years? Is it your intelligence? Is it the fact that there are people who love you? Or is it something even deeper than these things? Could it be that you have a purpose for being that hasn't even occurred to you yet? These are questions you need to answer. Unless you arrive at an answer that transcends your need for human approval, you may be depending on a rope that only has the strength of frail human beings. Be blessed. I'm still praying for you.
ReplyDeleteHi Jimmy, I have to agree somewhat with the last 2 posts. I am no expert, and crave human approval as much as the next guy. Sometimes, I am hurt when someone I have sought approval from kicks me down, maybe without even knowing it. It hurts today as much as it did the first boyfriend that dumped me or the first kid that said I was fat. Shit like that STILL sticks with me. The difference is that today I try very hard to recognize that I am a good person, no matter what the next person thinks. There are always going to be people who think I am too fat, too skinny, too tall, too blonde, work too hard, don't work hard enough. The point is that we as humans will NEVER please everyone, no matter what! I have a lot of people that like me, but there are probably those that don't. OK, does that make it so I have to dwell on that? No, it is the way of the world. Be comfortable with yourself, that's all that matters. Knowing in your heart that you are doing the best you can is what matters. Others do not need to give their approval to you, you need to give approval to you! I am far from an expert at this way of thinking, but i try on a daily basis to remind myself of just that! I think you're doing great, by the way, so there's my approval for you:) Love ya, karin
ReplyDeleteHello my friend! Everyone above made some very valid points. I know exactly what you are talking about when it comes to seeking approval. I have been where you are now and have felt the same way. I think it's a somewhat normal feeling, I still feel that way regarding certain things, that's just human nature. Everyone seeks approval, to feel validated and liked. I love how honest you are, Jim. It's not always easy to be so open, and yet you are and that is like a breath of fresh air!! Keep doing what you're doing, obviously you are doing something right to have 20 days!!! Love, Paula
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