Day 11 my reflection of day 1

Today is very special to me, day eleven, so I don't get to far behind I am going to reread everything I have written and review my progress, pull out what I feel was important to my ten day success and see how easy I can make it for others to do the same. As I read day 1 there were 4 things that stood out to me, the number one very most important thing was the love and patience that my daughter has for me. Without her tolerance for my life style and drug addictions there is absolutely no way I would be sitting here now. What I am telling you is not just for the addict, it is for that person like my daughter that Is watching . Someone they love fade into a void of helplessness, a bottomless pit. It is a very large responsibility on the person who is sober so do not take this role lightly, you could send someone spinning even farther down, I'm not trying to scare you but it is what it is . I called my daughter one night, I was drunk and high on crack, I had gotten some news about one of my boys that was very sobering and I knew it was time for me to change but I had tried so many times the traditional ways I thought I would try something just for me. When I called my daughter and said I need help she did not hesitate, she was at my house within the hour wanting to know what she could do. When I explained to her what I thought was kind of a crazy idea about how I was ready to get clean but I thought it should be documented. She did not look at me and laugh, she said okay and told me about blogging. I told her I cannot quit everything at once, she didn't doubt me or lose faith in me. She set this blog up for me that night, and the next day I went to work and called her the minute I got off to pick me up. I bought beer and smokes and gave her my cash that was left. I knew if I had money in my pocket it would lead to crack. That was my starting point. I know that most addicts probably don't think that this type of love d exist in their lives, and I didn't think it existed in mine, but there it is for all to see. I am at ten days because of it! I truly believe in my heart that this bond needs to be accomplished before you begin to feel like you are worthwhile, I believe it is the love of others that make us want to love ourselves. I think that as a druggy if you took this blog to someone that kinda still likes you and said look what he's doing, I think I can do it too, you will find the people around you love you more than you think.

The second thing I thought about day one is druggies are prone to failure. It happens so much it's just not that big of a deal. If I take on to much I get overwhelmed and I've already let everyone down so many times. What's one more time gonna hurt? Nobody expects me to make it anyway. So I gave myself seven days to get each drug out of my system but found I did not need that much time. Seven days is not something I'm married to. I think everybody's timeline will be a little different. The idea behind it is to set a goal and stick to it. You will find it's a lot easier than you thought. I stayed pretty drunk when I quit smoking crack but I quit smoking crack, and my daughter didn't say dad you sure are drinking a lot, she said I'm glad you made it another day without smoking crack. So set a goal for once in your life and prove everybody wrong, see what it feels like to succeed, that's a feeling I will stay addicted to.

The third thing I would like to talk about is something I was taught in every rehab I went to. Change your friends, your surroundings, and your life style! I don't know about other druggies but I can barely afford to put gas in my car when I have one. I sure as hell can't quit my job and move besides, I used to drive a truck and I don't think I've been to a town where I haven't gotten high, I found crack in a little town in Idaho, population 1500. So you can move but you might be moving next door to a bigger drug dealer than you used to live next to. The point is no matter where you go, they are there. No matter where you work people will be getting high. So stay where you are, get strong and set an example. If you have to stay gone for a while call up that person who loves you and hang out with them till bed time then go home, but remember they have a life to and cant babysit you forever. It's not so hard to make a decision and stick to it. I promise you, if you succeed on your first goal you will so look forward to succeeding on the next. I like this feeling much more than getting high.

The forth thing just slams the door for you. Write down the pros and cons of whatever drug you chose to quit first. If that doesn't help you to accomplish your first goal, I think you probably need to turn off the computer, go out and commit a serious crime and get caught because you obviously need a long time to think about your priorities. Well that about does it for my reflection of day 1.

Jim