day 17

It's been a long day today. I didn't go to bed till three last night and got up at seven. I was very excited to play with my new laptop I can honestly say at forty one years old the only possessions I own are my clothes and now this computer, and my clothes are pretty raggedy. Going out and purchasing this was a big step for me, I cannot believe I let myself fall into such a state of hopelessness. I was miserable, but that has changed, it seems like every day all I do is think and look for ways to strengthen my morality. I spent today with my 14 year old son working on that job we started a week and a half ago, where I taught him to till. It felt good to not be in a hurry to get the job done cause I need the money. It felt even better to be able to start rebuilding a relationship with my son whom I've neglected to spend time with because of drugs. It felt good to have a clear head, and to be able to show my son good work ethics by example, all and all I very much enjoyed the time we got to spend together today, have a lot to learn about relationships, but the good news is I want to learn.

Another thing I've been thinking about for a couple of days is how I should feel about what other people think, or how they might look at me differently now that they know the extent and variety of drug use. Well I can tell you this, there's a lot of things I've done over the years that I feel guilty and ashamed about, but that is how I used to live my life, I cannot change that nor will I try to hide it. It is what brought me to this blog today, and this blog, I feel is my application to life, for all to read, I am not ashamed of who I am today and what I want to become tomorrow and for those that want to judge me and brush me aside, I don't have the time or energy to worry about it. No idiots here see ya tomorrow

Jim