day 22

Day 22 man I slept good last night. Probably the best since this whole thing started. No feelings of panic or anxiety or 20 different thoughts going through my head. I used to drink myself to sleep because of this. I actually woke up and had no idea what I was going to write about today when usually there are 5 different things on my mind from the night before. I guess this recovery/therapy program that I have created for myself is really taking effect; I have never seen life threw my eyes as I am seeing it right now. All I can say is WOW. I see a whole new life, I bet you thought I was going to say ahead of me; well I was till I thought about it. It is right under my feet and I am already living it. You see I used to think if I do this my life will change or if I do that my life will change always waiting for tomorrow thinking it will bring me something that will suddenly start my wonderful life that I have been waiting for. Well today, once again realized something very important that will help mold who I am to be, I am no longer waiting for tomorrow, my life began twenty two days ago when I made my first responsible decision and I have lived in my life every day sense. They sat tomorrow never comes and their right. It hasn't come for me in twenty eight years and if I would've continued on that same path I probably would've ended up dying still waiting to live, sad isn't it, but true.

Well yesterday I was feeling down but took the time to evaluate the situation and resolved my problems before they turned into yet another mistake. Today I must do the same thing, you see a lot has happened in just one day, a lot for me to think about, the commitment to a full time job, the possibility of getting a truck by the end of the week and I got some other news this morning that made me so nervous and excited I could barely breathe and couldn't stop shaking. You know what this means, time to celebrate, ive taken my emotional rollercoaster from the bottom all the way to the top. I love this range of emotions but the ice is thin on either side, for me anyway. I truly enjoy experiencing both sides, but once again I must get myself back to the middle where it is safe, and once again this requires a lot of thought and responsible decision making. I will no longer hide from these feelings, I will embrace them and grow from them and even enjoy them for a minutes or two. What I will not do is let my emotions make my decisions, I will go back to the middle where its safe and I can think straight, then make the decisions I need to make. As for celebrating, that was my emotion talking; I'm back now and stronger than ever.

as for whether I know you or not, I am learning more and more from your comments every day, I don't have to know you to learn from you. I truly appreciate all commits, each and every one is a lesson for me, and how could that be wrong? Well until tomorrow, James