Day 23

well I believe another good night's sleep leads to a clear mind and a good attitude. As I reread last night's blog I noticed a couple of miswritten words, two days ago I took over  my daughters spot as proof reader and adding punctuation, so there might be some mistakes for a week or two, but it feels great to learn how to do new things. She's trying to teach me how to post by myself but im having a little trouble with paste, copy, then go somewhere else and do it again, but I'll get it, I'm slowly becoming more independent and not so self reliant on others. That is very important to me because in time I want to get away from being so needy and become the needed. At some point in my life I would like to become the rock, the strength that other can take from. I have decided that this is who I want to be so I will continue making the right decisions to take me there. I believe that it can be as simple As That. This is not such a hard path to walk down, it's rather enjoyable.

Well I told you I had gotten some good news yesterday that I was very excited about, I have an appointment today at three and I really need to stay focused. You see I still get very nervous talking to people face to face, sometimes so nervous I lose my breath. So today I will try something new, something I learned yesterday, staying in the middle. I will try to keep a clear head, stay calm, not let my emotions race, and take time to think before I answer any questions. I think life is much more manageable when you slow yourself down and think about what you're doing before you do it, kind of like speeding when your late to work, you could've just been ten minutes late, but now your twenty five minutes late and the speeding ticket cost you a hundred. I'm learning it's better to be a little late if you can get their without making any mistakes, it's all starting to make sense to me now

1.       It's now about six in the evening; I started writing at six this morning and wrote for about an hour. I went to work with a lot on my mind, you see I knew I was getting a truck today and although drugs haven't been an issue, maybe cause I knew I had no way to go get them. I was worried on the way to work and talked to my daughter about it and she looked at me kind of surprised and asked me, you don't want to do drugs do you? Well no I don't want to do drugs but there have been a lot of times I didn't want to and I don't know what happened, I just ended up doing them, well I had an appointment at three so I left work at one forty five and headed to Hilary's house, for those of you that don't know that's my daughter, and started crying the minute I hit the freeway, I was so happy, it felt so good, I realized for the last two days it's been all about decision making, here was,  my opportunity to go get high, I got a truck and money in my pocket. All that talk about decision making was right at the front of my thought process, I knew that wasn't for me, i am actually the happiest I have ever been, I'm not going to let a bad decision take all that I have achieved away in an instant. Tears ran down my face for fifteen minutes, it was a wonderful feeling, knowing that I can stand on my own two feet and make the right decisions and keep this happiness going. So I will be extra careful for awhile, no slacking up. That decision led to even better news, Tuesday I called the Chattanooga times free press and explained them that I had found a way to get myself clean using a blog and the internet for support, he told me he would have a reporter read it and if I didn't hear from him to call him Thursday. Well I called Thursday and he asked me to come in for an interview, I guess he feels it's worthwhile because he is doing a story on my daughter and I and the blog, it will be in chatt

Free press Sunday, august first under features, the writer is Mark Kennedy. I am very excited.

I am also emotionally drained, I have some other things I wanted to talk about but I am worn out, I think I'll be in bed by nine. Thank all of you for spending time with me; I appreciate all of you, James