day 24

Good morning to all. It is six am here, I love getting up early and writing. Well I have been on cloud nine for two days now, I'm ready to come down, it's very tiring up here. I need to get back to the middle and slow down a little. Today I'm going to go read from page one and reread all of my blog i feel like ive come pretty far and I'm not willing to lose everything again. I want this hole experience fresh in my mind, all that vi have felt from the beginning of this whole thing to help me stay on my toes.

Well today I want to talk about opportunities, it seems that all I have to do is blink and another one will appear. I had a friend once tell me I'm the only person he knows that can fall face first into a mud puddle and get up with a hundred dollar bill stuck to my nose. I definitely believe that I am luckier than most when it comes to opportunities but I am going to change my outlook on these opportunities, in the past I would get a job and go in there and work my but off for the first couple of weeks and impress everyone, there is one part of my life that ive always been very confident in, and that is work, thank you Scott. But my drug addict life style has always taken over after a couple of weeks. I start thinking I can get away with things because of my hard work will even it out. Well that's not the case and has never been, people , I guess have put up with my life style because my work is good but slowly I think they begin to get tired of all the crap that comes with me. I feel that most of the people I worked for pretty much knew I had a drug problem and their views of me seem to lower and lower as time goes by, and it should. When people realize you're a crack head they treat you like a crack head. I just couldn't see anyone else's point of view, only my own. It's not that many times that ive been fired, I usually get mad and leave cause I think I'm being mistreated, I never took in the fact that I was a cracked. Well I am no longer a crack head, so I do not want to be treated like one. I'm making the changes in my life to live right and set an example for others to do the same. I will not take a job unless whoever is going to employ me reads my blog first, this is who I am now and if I'm going to have people in my life it is important to me that they know who I am and what I' about, it seems the need for approval is starting to fade more and more. and I am feeling more and more confident about the direction I am going in. whatever job I do I'm going to do the best that I can so I can hold my head up high. Now that I have eliminated the big negative I brought with me to work I'm hoping people's opinions of me will change. If not it won't slow me down, just another problem that I will deal with. Well I have had a long day and I am very tired but bi would like to say one more thing, a special thanks to Mark Kennedy, I thought long and hard about the responsibility that you have to your readers and that your taking a chance doing a story on somebody who has a history of failing, not only that but you were responsible enough to ask me if I was ready for the pros and cons of having a story done on me. Well that's it for tonight, James