Day 1

Today was a great day, I'm not getting high! I have been to rehab several times NA and AA;
nothing has worked for me. At 40 years old, it seems like i don't know why I am here so i am on my journey to find out and today is Day 1! I have had so many people ask me, "how can somebody so smart, be so stupid?" Well this may come as a shock to some of the people that know me, but it is what it is!

At the age of 11 or 12, i was drinking, smoking cigarettes and pot. I was starting to live in foster homes and I went thru 3 or 4 and then came to live with a man named Scott. He taught me how to work and how important it is to earn what you have, he instilled important values that are still with me today; but I have been lost in every other part of my life.
As for meth, I was only 18 when i started and I was putting needles in my arm at 28! i went to jail for a year, then moved to Tennessee to get away from meth and was successful because there wasn't any good meth in TN at the time so I started smoking crack; and all of the sudden I am 40 and have not a clue as to who I am, or what I believe in, or where the rest of my life is going from here.
How could I let me get here? How have I wasted all these years?

When your life is like mine, it is hard to find a starting point . You just continue avoiding the issue and getting high, it was all i can do, all i can focus on, all I know, and my routine, it rules my life!
Well I have made a decision, last night I found my starting point and I believe it could be the starting point for a lot of people. You see a lot of people that know even if they are not happy with me will tell you that I am pretty intelligent, until it comes to drugs; then yes I am a complete idiot! So it is going to take some pretty simple steps for me to win this fight. So for me, step 1 was to find someone who I can trust and put this idea out there. I couldn't do this sober, I was high on crack and drunk, but as I sat and thought really hard, actually I didn't have to think that hard, the worst problem in my life is crack. I get paid cash every day, and it all goes to crack, beer, and tobacco.
Well one problem at a time. I cannot think of one good reason to keep any of these in my life, so now I am asking myself, "how could somebody so smart, be so stupid?" Is it that easy? Well let's do the math. On crack, the good side is NOTHING! The bad side is it controls you, it leaves you broke, it makes you neglect your family and friends and the list of bad reasons goes on and on.
Am I really that stupid? Really? That's pretty embarrassing!

Step one for me is to remove one problem at a time, the worst problem to start with, CRACK! I would like to think it is that easy, I mean how stupid do you have to be? But according to my history, I am pretty stupid. So I'm going to take the extra steps to insure my success.
1st- take all money out of my hands
2nd- continue to put my life on display, so now you know, so HELP me learn how to be a better person, Help me make a difference in today's world. HELP ME STAY SOBER and influence others to follow.

For the next 7 days, I will think about the next change I need to make.
If you don't hear from me tomorrow, I am a true idiot!

-Jim