It seems like in only twenty six days a good portion of my life is in order. I finished my blog early last night and found myself thinking about poem readings, I have no idea where this came from but I want to go to a poem reading. Maybe, it is this new love I have found for writing, I don't know. But if you told me a month ago I would be getting up at six in the morning, on purpose to write I would of thought you were higher than I was. i am stunned over the amount of things I am learning since this blog started. I truly believe writing helps me slow down my thoughts and actually think about them. The outcome of writing, for me any way, has turned the last twenty five days of my life into the happiest time I can remember out of forty one years. I am truly dumfounded by the way I feel as I sit here and write. My mind keeps telling me to watch out something is going to ruin this but I have found a path that I absolutely love walking down and have come to the realization that there is nothing that can ruin this. Problems will occur, big and small, but I am learning that is part of life. I am also learning how to face these problems head on, figure out a solution, and put them behind me where they belong. I think the most important thing I have learned is to stop creating problems by making bad decisions, I think this is a valuable lesson that a lot of people need to learn, I am so thankful I did. Well I am at work now and it is nine o clock, time to put the computer away and concentrate on the commitment I have made to my job, talk to you after work.
Well it is seven thirty in the evening and I'm in bed, I had a hard day today, I'm glad it's over, but I think I did learn something very important today, now that I have a car and money, drugs are an issue, there definitely not gone, but it seems I have something to lose now. You see I think that when you have no self worth and your hope for life is gone you have nothing to lose and that used to be the case with me, b ut my life is different now, the accountability I have to all of you for taking time out of your lives to show me you care and remind me that I am not worthless. I have been alive for forty one years and in the last twenty six days this blog and all the people reading it and sharing their love with me has literally pulled me out of my grave because I had no hope for life. Now I do and that's a lot to lose. I have to drive by that crack house every day and yes old habits die hard so I have to think about it every day but vi don't have to do it, every day I make a decision to drive right on by because now I have way to much to lose.
As for religion, I am very much a believer in god, I talk to him every day but I do not know the bible and do not know enough about myself to make a commitment to any religion just yet, in time when I am comfortable with myself I will be ready to cover that topic
I cannot thank all of you enough for the love that is filling my heart. James
I love ya too man! I swear to you, I had a pretty rotten day today...it seems I may or may not have a job in a couple weeks but no one at work will give me a straight answer. I have worked so hard at this job, being on call 7-24, working regular 10 hour days, no lunches or breaks...and here I am thinking something bust be wrong with me. Why else would i even be put in this position, to worry about my job. But, I really do feel better after reading your stuff. I feel like if you could do what you are doing, my problems are easy.Keep it up! You give a lot of people hope! K in SD
ReplyDeleteI hope you will get the chance to go to a poetry reading soon - and keep your heart open to messages from God. This was my favorite blog entry yet...
ReplyDeleteHey Jimmy, another great entry. If you send me your address I'll send you some poetry. I think you would dig some Whitman about now, and find another route to drive home for goodness sake. Take care. ~dg
ReplyDelete"I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before, Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has been a mean sleep."
-Walt Whitman
Yeah, I would definitely take the long way home rather than drive by that crack house! There is no sense in putting yourself in the way of temptation any more than you have to! We don't want to make "provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof" (Romans 13:14). And are you sure you want to be carrying cash around with you? Wouldn't it be better to use a debit card for necessary purchases? I'm sure most drug dealers don't take debit cards (leaves a paper trail)! Red flag! Red flag! Please don't just rely on your own strength or this blog to keep you from falling. You must do all you can to avoid temptation! Still praying.
ReplyDeleteYour friend and cheerleader,
Jack
Jim, I am amazed at how much I learn from you everytime I read your blog, and I have been clean 6 yrs now!! You are so intelligent and wise, I just know that you are going to make such a difference in peoples lives, I really think it is your calling. Stay Strong! Love, Paula
ReplyDeleteJim, this blog really hit home with me. When you were talking about being ready to quit but can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, that really touched me. You described me back in the day to a T!! I've never been able to put into words what you described. I'm gonna be up for a while thinking on that one. Keep doing what you're doing hon. Stay strong, Love, Paula
ReplyDelete