Day 29 well I have to say, I am truly amazed, I had no idea life could be this enjoyable. My boss and I were talking yesterday and the topic of feeling good verses being happy came up. It seems my whole life ive been doing things to try to make myself feel good with the end result always being misery. Yesterday I realized that all the things ive tried to do throughout my life to make myself feel good was only a band aid that will surely fall off in a day or two. With all the changes I am making in my life it seems there is a never ending happiness pouring into my soul, the more I fix the happier I am, problems don't seem to exist anymore, only solutions, it seems like I have learned a lot more through all the negative experiences in my life than I had thought. From my past experience of trying to feel good my b rain keeps telling me this happiness has got to end, it never lasts very long, but as I continue to make these changes the happiness just seems to grow and grow. I am finding I know longer have to try to feel good, with this happiness growing inside of me I just do.
I would like to share some good news with you that I received yesterday, the man that I work for not only sells classic muscle cars but also races, bracket racing, kind of like ¼ mile but a little different. I have always loved cars and wanted to race but when you are on drugs as bad as I was those opportunities just don't come up. Well I am no longer on drugs, and not only that, I am a different person all together because of the changes I am making every day. This must be noticeable because yesterday my boss told me he's going to let me make a few practice runs in a forty to fifty thousand dollar race car to see if ive got what it takes, wow. People spend years and years saving money to build a ten thousand dollar race car so they can race, what an opportunity. That is a lot of trust he is putting in to me and one more responsibility that I would love to have. I must say I am really feeling the love in this world and hope that I to can be a part of spreading it around.
Another thing that has been on my mind since last night, the word love, it seems like people throw that word around so loosely without the commitment that comes with it. Does anybody even think about that or is it just me, I believe that word should come with an unwritten agreement, I believe in my heart that when you love someone, and I'm not talking about just a boyfriend girlfriend relationship, I'm talking about brothers, sisters, mother, daughters and friends, when you truly love them you look out for them, would you let them get hit by a speeding car, would you let them jump off a 10 story bridge because it looked fun, would you let them eat rat poison, I don't think you would so why would you watch the people that you say you love kill themselves slowly ruining every life around them as they die. If you love somebody who is killing themselves don't hang back and wait for them to be ready, and don't wait for them to come to you, show them that you love them by communicating your feelings to them, they can't read your mind. Write them a letter if you have to, that way they won't start an argument to distract you but plant a seed and they will think about it. If you sit back and do nothing I personally think you should reevaluate your feelings for them, don't tell them you love them and then do or say nothing about the path they are headed down, this will only strengthen their feelings of hopelessness, I will not use this word lightly ever again, if i say I love you, you better believe it carries the unwritten agreement. James
God is good and you are loved. It does no good to tell a person who is high that they are loved. They never believe it. The joy of living comes from within a person not from the outside. Until you start to believe in yourself and start to understand your own worth, nothing anyone says...no rehab program, no type of intervention will work. most turn away. You seek to rebuild your life in your own way, after rehab hasn't worked--more than once I think you said...do you think that all the people in your life were strong and able with their lives together standing by watching you fall by the wayside. I pray that God will stay beside you during this journey helping you to stay strong. That is My prayer and I see it answered everyday you post.
ReplyDeleteYes, love is a word that shouldn't be taken lightly. I personally wish everyone who said it understood it in their heart as they were saying it...really understood. I wish everyone who recieved the words "I love you" could understand how tough it is for others to even say it. It should be a rule that when you say it, you have to really mean it. I mean REALLY mean it! Like, you couldn't physically say the words, they would not exit your mouth, if the really love wasn't there. And then, on the receiving side, if someone said they loved you, some sort of magic, electrical current would zap your heart and you would really understand. You could feel the true love pouring from that persons heart. I believe love is a word so over used in instances where it shouldn't be and under used in areas of life where it should. When my son was born 10 years ago, I made it a point to tell him many, many times a day how much I love him, becasue I do and I want him to know. Growing up, I knew my parents loved me, but we just never said it in my house. I only started hugging my grandma a few years ago. Our family just didn't operate that way. Today, we say it all the time, and mean it, but it takes practice and it feels akward at first, but it get's easier. Everyone, today, make a pact with yourself to tell those you love that you love them, don't throw the word around to those that you wouldn't actually take a bullet for and hey, smile at a stranger...that part feels good and then they might pay it forward and smile at the next guy!!! Jimmy, I LOVE YOU, that much is true!!!
ReplyDeleteA strong post Jimmy. I am glad to hear of every positive thing that is happening now. Try not to be too hard on others. It is difficult to save a drowning man, but yes everyone should at least try. The problem is most people are lost in their own lives and don't know how to begin to help. I believe this: you should never give up on anyone and should help others in any way you can but most importantly, like Ghandi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world". The greatest help we can give is living to our own potential and setting an example for others in our lives. What you are doing now with this blog is a powerful thing. Lots of love. ~DG
ReplyDeleteThe true meaning of love:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDSpgieP4Cc
Jim, I started reading your blog the other night and decided I would not post a comment until I got through the whole thing, but now,that I'm on day 29, I have to say something. First off, I'm so proud of you. Amazing. Keep up the great work. Second, Love is not a feeling, it's an action word. If you love someone, you must do something. I think of all the times you may have reached out and people did nothing. That's not love. Your blog is the most interesting and heartfelt thing I've read. Even for those who have no drug problem, they know someone who does. Thank you so much for what you're doing, not only in your life, but in the lives of others. Stay strong. God is with you and loves you. God bless you and Hill. We both love you. d and d in Bend, OR.
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