DAY 32

Day 32 it is a very exciting day for me, ive got a lot to talk about but I would like to clarify some things first, a lot of people may not understand where I am coming from because I am on the addict side of the road, there for I might not understand where all of you are coming from because you are on the other side of the road so maybe we can meet in the middle and talk about it. I feel strongly about what I said yesterday but maybe I didn't go deep enough into my point. I have a clear understanding of the consequences of our actions but as an addict I truly believe the more doors that are closed to us by loved ones the farther down we go, by no means am I asking you to move them into your house or get them a job or loan them money to get on their feet, that is the least of their problems, they are killing themselves because they don't feel they deserve to live. Life has a Way of making us feel hopeless at times, we have all felt it. But most people have someone around them that has love in their hearts and when these overwhelming feelings come up they can look to a loved one and draw from their warmth. Addicts get so isolated there is no warmth to draw from so they have no choice but to grow colder and colder, if not from the love of my daughter I would probably be high right now instead of writing this. I am asking one thing and one thing only, open the door just wide enough to say I love you and do it as many times as you can and as often as you can. I do not believe there is an addict that wants to continue down the road their on, they feel like what's the point, nobody cares anyway, I know because that's how I felt, if you continue to plant seeds of hope they will grow, I am proof of that, thanks to Hilary who kept the door open just enough to let a little light threw. I now have a better understanding from the other side's point of view. But I will still not be swayed on the belief that the cure for addiction comes from the hope of a better life and hope comes from the hearts of the people who love us. It really doesn't matter how they got where they are at this point, what is important is that we bring them back. I believe

This to be true with all my heart.

I am in a good place finally in my life, and I intend to stay here, I have done a lot worse than steal Christmas money, I have lied, stole, cheated, betrayed, and befriended and not once did I say it was someone else's fault, those were all of my own choices and I cannot take them back but I can continue to make the right choices as I have for the past thirty two days, after living the way I have for the past twenty eight years bad decisions become a habit, I have broken that habit. It is a hard road that I am on but I am on it, and I intend to stay on it. I also intend to help other people who have done all the terrible things I have done, first by setting the example and showing people you can stay off drugs and secondly by not caving into attacks by people that would rather see me fail. I dealt with my rollercoaster of a day and did not get high, that's something to be proud about, I will continue to hold my head up high. James ps, I miss you jack, where you been?