Day 33, good morning to all, this weekend has been quite a blur, but I will get into that later this evening after ive had the day to think about it, first I would like to talk to day two, I'll be thinking about you all day and looking forward to reading day three. I think it took me about ten days till I could sleep. This is the longest I have ever stayed clean without being in jail, I have learned this time that just quitting the drugs and booze does not does not solve my problems. I have done that before and thought that was all I needed to do and struggled tremendously with it and altamently failed. I am starting to believe that most people have an addictive personality, they are addicted to their jobs ,volunteer work, making movies, their kids, and yes, me, writing blogs, but when it's a good thing we label it as passion. Using drugs and booze, for me anyway came from all the little problems in my life that I saw as one huge problem that could not be solved, one of the biggest problems was me using in order to not think about that huge ball of a problem. In my time of trying to escape, that ball just kept growing and my hope for a better life seem to fade farther and farther away, so this time when I decided to try and straighten my life up I set myself up to succeed, I stopped looking at all my faults and all the problems in my life and started focusing on just one, the worst one, I figured I haven't been doing anything about all those problems for years so in another couple weeks they can't get any worse, so I put them out of my mind and looked at just one problem, smoking crack, that was the worst one to me because not only did it leave me broke, I stayed humiliated and ashamed to face people because of the things I would do to get it. Now that all my other problems were gone except this one, it wasn't so hard to tackle, as a matter of fact without the stress of all the other problems in my life it was pretty easy. Then I started breaking that ball down one problem at a time and it wasn't so overwhelming. Anyway the point I am trying to make is there is usually a deeper seeded problem that leads to us trying to escape and we have to solve those problems in order to stay clean, the problem is you have to stay clean long enough to see the problem, so if you're having trouble sleeping, do some soul searching while you lay there, the sooner you work on that problem, the sooner you won't want to use. I have to sneak in and out of where in staying every day cause my friends parents don't know I'm staying there and showered in a garden hose all last week but I have been working on those deeper seeded problems and because of it I am able to see a much happier life every day, garden hose or not, you have begun the process and by doing that you have also given me more hope and confidence to continue doing what I am doing. as for doubts I still have them every day but vi will not let them run my life or ruin my life, every time doubt comes into my mind I think back to why I started this and if and if I was happy before I did and realize I was miserable, there is a reason you want to quit, because it makes you unhappy, do not be fooled by doubt. Feel free to use my comment box to express day three, I would love to read it and you will feel better. Well it's about nine o'clock and I just checked my comments, I am so happy to read day three, I believe with the strength of both of us there will be another person coming along real soon to step up as you have, thank you.
As for the other comment about the un rulely, please email me, thebookofjamesmoderator@gmail and we will talk. James
It is a funny thing about problems........everyone has them. People who look like their world is perfect, have them. Some people learn early how to handle them and others don't and end up dead from physical problems or on drugs. So get used to problems. They eventually go away.......and new and worse ones crop us, because that is LIFE. Problems are part of our life on earth. Now I want to say something about God......and it is something to remember......God helps those who help themselves. Praying only works when you follow though. There is no magical solution to problems and God does not reach down and make it better. Praying helps when you ask God to give you strenth, but praying for him to make it better does not work. You gotta do it yourself.
ReplyDeleteNow I believe that you have the strenth and the wisdom to do this.........God may walk beside you and give you a little help when you stumble but he is not gonna pick you up if you throw yourself in a ditch..........Hugs and Love...Aunt P
Every day that you are sober and clean of the drugs is a day that you closer to becoming the man you are suppose to be. I pray the God will guide you and give you strength to endure the hardships that undoubtably will be there. If using your "passion" for this blog to helps you to remain "clean" then good for it! Life is good.
ReplyDeleteI agree that we are all addicted to or passionate about something. The difference between a passion and an addiction, though, is that a passion can actually add something positive to your life and the lives of others. An addiction, on the other hand, is like a parasite that only takes and gives nothing of substance back. An addiction may seem to give an illusion of pleasure, but in the end it's really just misery and self-destruction. Passions can become addictions if we're not careful, so it pays to stay balanced. If my passion keeps me from filling my wife's or son's or daughter's love cup, it has become an addiction. Still praying.
ReplyDeleteJack