day 51

Day 51 its five am and I'm looking forward to what's going on today, the last person that owned this building remodeled it but it was a poor job, the rooms all have nine foot ceilings, well they redid all the electric and ran all the conduit exposed on the ceiling and put drop ceilings in, they also covered the walls with that cheap looking paneling, that's all got to go to, it looks cheap like old seventies office buildings, today I'm going to start trying to hide the conduit and get the ceiling ready for sheetrock, we've just about got one unit totally stripped and ready to start putting it back together. This unit is on the fourth floor and there is no elevator, the stairs are also kind of tight so it's really going to be a choir to get the materials up there.

I spent some time talking with Cynthia yesterday, I really like her and think we are going to be good friends for many years to come but I am worried about her, after talking with her last night I realized she is going through a lot of different feelings and emotions that I could certainly learn from. You see every body's story is a little bit or even a lot different, you see in my story it was plain and simple, I wore out my welcome everywhere I went, I had no friends around me and there was absolutely no financial stability. Finally seeing all these things made it easy for me to see I was going in the wrong direction. But that is not the case for everyone, what if you are financially secure, working in a good profession, with plenty of friends that are around you every day and still have an uncontrollable desire to drink heavily every evening, there is a very serious problem in this world that seems to be ignored, maybe ignored isn't the word for it, it's more like swept under the carpet because it's so common and there just isn't an answer for it, just being strong doesn't fix the problem, and when we can't stop we feel like we are just not as good as regular people, were so embarrassed of being weak we try to hide the problem rather than talk about it, this only magnifies the situation and takes us farther away from getting the love and support that we need to heal. I feel that I can learn a lot from Cynthia and her story as she makes the steps to heal and I am very much looking forward to experiencing her ups and downs with her, she has hinted around about her own blog but was worried about taking away from me and what I need, it is the unselfishness of people like Cynthia that this world needs to see more of that will begin to wipe away the doubts and begin to restore thoughts of hope leading to a much better world for all to live in. Cynthia I believe you have as much to offer if not more than me by starting your own blog and if you think for a minute that you would be taking from me you are mistaken by far, I could only gain strength by you educating us with your journey to a much happier life, I look forward to your call tonite

I cannot stress this enough, to all that want to get clean and stay that way, start your blog. There have been many nights that I thought about drugs or alcohol and would have definitely used if I were in my comfort zone but this blog makes me accountable to more than just the people that I have already let down a million times. You've done it before and you will do it again, don't be afraid to put yourself out there, it will not only help you but others as well, and there's another reason to do it, I spend two hours or more every day writing and this keeps my goals fresh and doesn't allow my mind to wander. Well I guess it still wanders but it can't get to far. I believe there is a corner in the top right of my blog that says create a blog, go to it and do it, it will save your life and maybe someone else's, Cynthia if you are ready I spoke with my daughter Hilary and she wants me to email you her number, she will go the distance for you, you have everything in place now it's up to you to make a decision, I truly feel like I and beginning to walk on solid ground, thanks to all, James