Day 49 well I am very happy to be moving up in the world, although I am still very nervous. Stepping out of your comfort zone can definitely lead to some anxiety, but if you never step out and try to better yourself you will never know what you may achieve. I am not willing to settle for the life that I was living. In this new life that I have I am going to find the highest mountain I can find and climb my way to the top, and when I get there, I am going to stand on the top and begin looking for a higher mountain to climb, and I will not do this alone, I will drag as many people as I possibly can with me. I am truly amazed at how my mind works, the previous week I had a hard time just getting through five minutes of the day, I felt very alone and weak to the world, like my existence really didn't make a difference one way or another. Even though I try to sound confident every day about what I want in my life I do not feel this way every day, I have been an addict and kicking myself for the last twenty eight years. Old habits don't just die and I didn't just wake up with some epiphany about how I should live. There have been many days of overwhelming doubts about where I'm headed with my life and if my existence does make a difference in this world and I have to fight with myself it seems to get through the day, but when I get threw that day it seems I reap the rewards, I will explain, my new job and a place to live seem to be very rewarding, and I am thankful for them but there is a much larger reward that I get and it cannot be replaced by money or job, they do not fulfill my purpose, my percentage rate has gone up to three that I know of, Stephaney has joined in. there are no words to describe this overwhelming joy for life, my own life. when I hear that I have made a difference in someone's life, these feelings are like nothing I have ever felt before, when I read Stephanie's comment last night it completely restored my confidence in writing what is going through my mind and restoring my strength to look past the fears of humiliation of what others may think of me. So as I'm on my way to my new job it is not what truly brings the joy to my heart, it is knowing that people are living better lives because of me, knowing this not only gives me a reason to continue writing, it is what gives me the strength to continue to set the example and lead the way to a better life for all, thank you Steve and Stephaney, ml and Cynthia please stay with me, I won't let you down, James
Jim, you may do your best not to let anyone down, but to say, "I won't let you down," wow, that's a pretty tall order. There isn't anyone I can think of whom I've held in the highest esteem, who hasn't let me down in one way or another, given enough time. It's just the nature of life in this sinful world. There's hardly any way possible to meet everyone's expectations 100% of the time. Even God can't do that, and He's perfect! Please be careful what you promise. Give yourself some room to grow. We're all pulling for you, but there is a danger in becoming over-confident. Hoping everything goes well with your new job.
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Jack
Hey Jimmy. Don't be afraid to talk about your bad days more. You do not need to put on a front here. The strength of this blog is your honesty and everyone here is amazed by your stength because we all know it has been a struggle every day and some days more than others. Love you man. ~d
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