Day 45, well it is Saturday morning, my youngest son is going to work with me today, it should be a very good day, Russell l is a very good worker and really listens at work when you give him instructions, that's pretty good for as young as he is, he got a cell phone last month when he worked for me and now the bill is due so he is earning the money to pay his own bill, I am very proud of him and Harley and I hope their learning more about financial responsibility at their age than I did. I guess I'm pretty lucky to have a job that allows me to bring my kids to work and work side by side with them teaching good work ethics, that is a huge fringe benefit.
Spending so much time alone over the last week or so has really got me thinking about new friendships, I'm sure I'm not ready for a full on relationship but I am ready to start meeting new people, I need some type of companionship in my life, female companionship, so I placed an ad on craigslist and thought I was clear that I was looking to slowly build a friendship based on trust and respect, something long term, I even put my blog address and asked that they read it before responding so they knew what they were getting into, I placed the ad yesterday afternoon and as of this morning I think I have enough naked pictures to start my own magazine. Wow what a temptation, and I almost fell for it, it seems most of my life ive chased sex thinking it would fill the emptiness that I felt, sure the physical act feels great but afterwards the emptiness is still there but now topped off with feelings of guilt because you know you were either being used or using someone, I am no longer okay with this, it hasn't worked for me since I was a child and it has never brought me love. As I am learning about friendship I will also learn about love, the love you share while building a relationship. I do not know what it is like to have someone waiting at the door for me when i get home, looking forward to seeing me, wanting to spend time with me, I would love to know this feeling and I'm sure that I will in time. As I create this new person I am to be I will look to myself to set the example of how I would like to be treated, I will be caring but honest, always, if I can help I will, without a price tag attached. It seems there is a fine line between caring for someone and being taken advantage of, and I'm sure that I will meet people on both sides of this line for the rest of my life but I will not let the ones on the wrong side of the line blacken my heart, instead I will try to get them to cross over. I will continue to share this love that I am learning about and I'm sure in the future someone will come along and be wanting to share her love with me. Until tomorrow, James
Friends, male and female, yes. Courtship (friendship with an eye toward long-term commitment within the context of marriage some time down the road)? I wouldn't go looking for it just yet. That will come when the time is right. Right now, you're not really marriage material, so what's the point in starting a relationship with someone who is? It would only be frustrating to her, and if she isn't marriage material, you don't need each other, in terms of courtship, until you're both ready. Jim, you need to learn to be comfortable in your own skin first. A romantic relationship, even a semi-romantic relationship will only tend to hinder your progress at this point. Don't make the mistake that so many do, and you've done already in your life, by putting the cart before the horse. You've got to learn how to crawl before you can walk, and you've got to learn how to walk before you run. Slow down! Get a working budget going. Become self-sufficient. Have your own place to live. Work through your anger issues, and whatever else contributed to your need to self-medicate. Don't even allow yourself to think about a romantic relationship until you've done all the reparation you can do with your children and other family members. For what it's worth, that's my advice to you at this point. Be real! You're not ready for courtship, or even prospective courtship yet.
ReplyDeleteStill praying,
Jack
P.S. I'm looking forward to meeting with you sometime in the next few days. I'll try not to be this hard on you face to face. {:o)
james-trust me-you do not need anyone but a friend in your life right now-this from one who has lived and learned-trying to get to my own place where i can contribute to your blog-slow down,ok-you're doing great-concentrate on YOU-the rest will come in its time-cynthia
ReplyDeleteJimmy, as hard as it might sound, I agree...let's put YOU first and then worry about a relationship. The universe has a way of sending you the right person for what you need at the time....but I have found that the second we start looking, the wrong people appear. At the point that you STOP looking, I mean really stop, in your heart, the right person WILL magically appear. The true, love potion is to love yoruself and truely be dammed what anyone else thinks. When you have gotten to that point, and only you know when that is, the right peerson will come along. Self love HAS to come first. I love you and I know this is hard but it is truely necessary in order to get to the next level. Be patient, it WILL happen, when you least expect it....so don't expect it! Love you much Jimmy! Karin
ReplyDeleteAll good advice above! I've been thinking about how you could make some good friendships by finding a good church in your area that has a singles group. I was involved in some church singles groups, and was able to meet some nice people and have fun with them. You may just find some good friends in a group like that. And right now the friendships are more important. And who knows? Somebody who starts out as a friend could eventually end up being "the one." But take your time in that area, Jim, as you're still working on YOU right now & that's very important.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless! Nancy B.
Some great advice already, and be reflective about the fact that someone who would be interested right now is probably not the right one. One thing I will say, no matter how good the intentions, if you start a relationship with someone who has a similar past, statistically it is going to be a disaster. Look in the right places...or don't look at all.
ReplyDeleteI think everything has been said, that can be at this time in the NEW beginning of your sober life. As you have said yourself, one addiction at a time, and the same should go for relationships. However, you have to get yourself where you want to be in life and get to know the "True Jim", and then you can be a very stable man in your friendships, as well as a frienship with someone you truly love. We all want the best for each other. I have been married 10 years and I believe my wife and I are just now, getting truly honest with each other and it's an awesome experience to have someone who know's absolutely EVERYTHING about you and still loves you....Just like someone else important in our lives, but He is there everytime we need him. God Bless You Man...
ReplyDeleteA lot of good feedback on this one. I agree with most of what was said above by everyone. But I also wanted to commend you on the introspection of your post and how you are acknowledging how you have done things before while trying to get your head around moving forward.
ReplyDeleteWhile I agree with everyone here on the importance of taking it slow I also want to say I can appreciate that you have probably felt terribly alone for a long time now. Lonliness is not something that started with the blog and your new life choices. It is the worst feeling in the world to be lonely. Connecting with each other is what makes us human. The fact it is too soon to act on these feelings of lonliness doesn't discount how you are feeling right now. You will find someone and probably sooner than you can imagine by fulfilling who you are as a human being. By being yourself you continuing to heal you will let the universe show you who that person is. Love you man. ~d