DAY 85 TODAY IS AN EARLY POST TO TRY AND GET ME BACK ON AN AM SCHEDULEDAY 84 HAS ONLY BEEN POSTED FOR EIGHT HOURS. ITS FOUR THIRTY IN THE MORNING HERE, IT'S THE FIRST TIME IN WEEKS I BELIEVE THAT IVE STARTED WRITING IN THE MORNING, I REALLY ENJOY WRITING IN THE MORNING SO MUCH MORE BECAUSE IT SEEMS I CAN THINK MUCH BETTER, IT SEEMS MY MIND IS NOT SO CLOUDED WITH ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED THROUGHOUT THE DAY. IT SEEMS I STILL NEED TO WORK ON GETTING INTO A ROUTINE, THE ONLY THING THAT SEEMS DEFINATE IN MY LIFE IS SEVEN AM WHEN I MEET THE GUYS THAT WORK WITH ME, IM VERY GOOD AT KEEPING MY WORK SCHEDULE BUT IT SEEMS EVERYTHING ELSE JUST GETS DONE WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE IT. I BELIEVE I NEED TO START SLOWLY ADDING OTHER PARTS OF MY LIFE ON A SCHEDULE, START BUILDING AROUND MY WORK SCHEDILE SINCE I SEEM TO HAVE IT WORKING SO WELL FOR ME.
I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THE BONDS THAT I HAVE MADE IN THE PAST EIGHTYFOUR DAYS OF MY LIFE. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE ALWAYS TRIED TO BE A GOOD FRIEND TO PEOPLE AND IVE ALWAYS BEEN A CARING PERSON BUT FOR SOME REASON I HAVE ALWAYS FELT VERY ALONE, I USED TO THINK THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME, LIKE I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE TO LIKE, I TRIED SO HARD TO GET PEOPLE TO LIKE ME, BUT I STILL FELT LIKE I JUST WASN'T THAT IMPORTANT TO ANYONE, WELL THAT HAS CHANGED OVER THE LAST EIGHTY DAYS, AND IM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY I FELT THAT WAY, MAYBE BECAUSE THE WAY I LIVED MY LIFE WAS VERY CLOSE TO THE EDGE, AND NO ONE WANTED TO GET HURT WHEN I FELL OFF SO THEY WOULDN'T GET CLOSE TO ME, I DON'T KNOW, I STILL FEEL LIKE I JUST WASN'T IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO ANYONE FOR THEM TO PUT THEIR HAND OUT AND HELP ME, MAYBE I AM WRONG, MAYBE PEOPLE WERE PUTTING THEIR HANDS OUT TO HELP BUT I WAS TO HIGH TO SEE IT, IF SO I MUST HAVE BEEN PRETTY HIGH BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMDER ANYBODY REALLY STEPPING UP IN MY LIFE AND TRYING TO SET ME STRAIGHT. I AM VERY THANKFUL OF MY DAUGHTER, IT IS HER LOVE FOR ME THAT HAS LEAD ME TO ALL THE LOVE I HAVE COMING MY WAY NOW. I FEEL I STILL HAVE A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT FRIENDSHIP BUT I KNOW I AM HEADED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, I NOW HAVE SEVERAL PEOPLE IN MY LIFE THAT I KNOW CARE ABOUT ME AND I TRULY CARE ABOUT THEM, AND I ALSO KNOW THAT IF I WERE TO START SLIDING BACKWARDS THE FRIENDS THAT I HAVE NOW WOULD NOT SIT BY AND WATCH, THEY WOULD BE DRAGGING ME BACK OUT OF MY HOLE BY MY HAIR IF THEY HAD TO, I AM A VERY LUCKY PERSON TO HAVE CREATED SUCH STRONG FRIENDSHIPS IN SUCH A SHORT TIME, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO MY SUCCESS TO HAVE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS THAT CARE ABOUT ME, I WILL TRY HARDER IN MY EVERYDAY LIFE TO CARE MORE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AND TO HELP THOSE IN NEED, WHETHER I KNOW THEM OR NOT, EVERYONE NEEDS SOMEONE TO CARE ABOUT THEM, IT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD, SO PLEASE DO YOUR PART AND REACH OUT AND CARE ABOUT SOMEONE TODAY, IT COULD BE THE DIFFERENCE IN THEIR LIVES, I LOVE WHO I AM TODAY, AND IT IS BECAUSE OF THE LOVE I RECEIVE, JAMES
It is hard; we all want to think people like us, but the truth is, we have to be a friend first--which you are doing. The world is a cold, cruel place when you are the newcomer in town. I know. One has to build strength from within and not really depend on others for happiness. Does that make sense? All any of us can do is our best. For some, life is a breeze; for others it is a day to day struggle. Why some of us carry that burden of the daily struggle, who knows? All I know is that some of us just have to keep on carrying on--one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteI think you are improving every single day in your thinking and your actions. And I'm so proud of you and so happy for you. But even when you were an addict, I have to say that in the brief time I met you, I thought you were a very likable, friendly person, and I thought of my Jimmy and how you reminded me of him in a way (not in looks but in personality.) And that's a compliment, because I think he was a wonderful person, in spite of his addictions. So I'll bet there were a lot of people that liked you and cared about you, but just didn't know what to do to help you. I think people who are addicts have low self-esteem, and so they don't realize that others care about them. What I'm trying to say is that there was always a likable, friendly guy there that just needed somebody to step up and give him a hand to get on his feet. What a wonderful daughter you have to have gotten you started on this blog. And I've loved reading her comments about how much she loves you and is so proud of you.
ReplyDeletesometimes in life we just don't see certain things, like friends that were there all along. But, there were things we had to go through in our lives too to get to be the happy, productive members of society we are today. Jimmy, you being a friend now means more to me now becasue I know you can choose to be more selective as to who you let into your heart. I am glad you were my friend when we were kids but I am honored now that you have returned! Love you!! Karin
ReplyDeleteJames, again, you are amazing. I haven't posted anything lately, but I have kept up with your reflections of life on a daily basis. You are an inspiration to me and I'm sure to many others that have kept up with you recovering and overcoming many obstacles in your life. You inspire me. God Bless You
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