Day74 today is a good day for me, as I left my home at five am to go get the paper I was nervous about the reaction I would get, this is a small town and they put pictures in the paper, so people will see me and make judgment either from my past or my present, but if I am to help others I cannot live in fear of my past and I know with all of my heart if they judge me by my present they have no choice but to show me respect. I believe there will be no learning and no solutions found if the problems are continuously swept under the carpet. So I choose to live with the problems I once had and the solutions I have come up with that have worked for me right out in the open for everybody to learn from, and yes at times I feel humiliated and ashamed of the past life I led, but hiding it from the world only keeps me from climbing out of that hole ive lived in for so long. I am not okay with just getting clean and living a normal life, I will reach down and find something good in all those years of misery that I have lived. I will show people that there is a way out of that hole and a much better life up here where the sun is shining, its not an easy walk and it seems like nothings getting better in the beginning but if you think about it nothing was really any good while you were getting high and if you are like me you've been doing that for years on end. One day at a time didn't work for me, I told myself ive been on drugs for twenty eight years, its never panned out, not one part of it, so after trying that for twenty eight years with no results, what's one year clean? So that's what I told myself, if I don't have a life in a year then ill get high. Well its been seventy three days and I have found more happiness in my life than I have in my previous forty one years, yes that is right, in just seventy three days, I am now able to hold my head high, look people in theirs eyes when I talk to them because for once in my life I am proud of who I am, no little white lies or hidden secrets about anything. I do not have to worry about which people know about my past and which don't, or what's on my mind now, today I not only live my life for setting an example to others, I also live through this blog, letting people know my intentions and goals in life, and that allows me to feel good about who I am, until tomorrow, James
I found your story in the newspaper brutally honest and sincere. It takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing. Addiction and depression are linked, keep as busy as you can and know there are people rooting for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm really looking forward to reading your article when it gets here. Talked to Cindy briefly awhile ago and she wondered if Grant might be interested in your story. She was saying that this is the sort of story that somebody like Sean Penn would really be interested in too........but how does a person contact somebody like him? As I said earlier, I'm convinced that your story would make a wonderful movie, and it would reach a whole lot more people that way too. In "Blindside" they actually showed the real people at the end of the movie.
ReplyDeleteJimmy, I am so excited about reading the article. I agree with Nancy, your story will someday make an awesome movie, and Sean Penn would make a great Jimmy Hudnall! Who knows?? Love you, karin
ReplyDeleteJim,
ReplyDeleteI am the editor of the Okmulgee Daily Times and wrote your feature in Sunday's edition. I want to tell you that I am every impressed with your determination to beat drugs and alcohol. You'll make it if you continue with your strong determination. But never forget the role of those who care about you and are helping you along the way, including your family and your dear friends John Sr. and John Jr. from California. Those guys are awesome ... and they took a big chance on you. If you feel like slipping, take a second to remember them. Your journey will not be easy ... but you are not making the trip alone.
-Herman
Well, Jimmy, I have been posting anonymously since Day 1 but I would like to reiterate what Herman said: My Dad and brother are both taking a big chance on involving you in this project and I hope it works out for all of you. As a teacher, I have been impressed with your ability to write so honestly and compellingly about your life. I hope this story will have a happy ending...
ReplyDeleteRemember in the early days when you'd say at the end of each blog, "if you don't hear from me tomorrow, I'm an idiot?" Well, so far we've heard from you every day! That must mean you're a pretty smart person! Have you started reading your Bible yet? Intelligence can be dangerous without wisdom. Don't just listen to what other people tell you the Bible says. Read it yourself as you ask God to help you understand what it's saying to you, and the Holy Spirit will guide you into all truth.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Jack