day82

Day 81 I cant believe how much I am in love with life, and every thing about it, life used to be so miserable, every thing seemed to be miserable, waking up was the beginning of my unhappiness every day, I would have to make myself get out of bed in the mornings with nothing to look forward to but getting high to escape the awful way I felt, failure seemed to be a way of life for me, and I didn't care who knew, I felt so bad about myself and like there was no way I could ever amount to anything. I was very alone, and I made it that way so people couldn't see the real me, I was humiliated and ashamed of who I was and didn't want those who were close to me to think I was a failure so I pushed them away, not realizing it would only take me farther down, when addicts are on drugs there thought process is way out of wack and the alienation begins by you trying to help them, they tell you to mind your own business enough and you do, you shouldn't, you know there killing themselves and there to high to see the difference, you cant tell them what to do but you can talk to them and let them know you love and care about, let them know how much they are hurting you, spend some time talking to them instead of telling them what there doing wrong ,ask them if they are happy and see what there response is, help them find solutions instead of making them feel judged, actually care about them, they will feel it and respond, I never realized I was hurting anyone, I thought, its my life and im only hurting myself, and people should mind there own business, I felt I had no one in my life that cared either way about me so I didn't care about myself. It seems now the more people care about me the better I want to do, and the more people put there trust in me, the harder I try to earn it, I now walk tall and feel proud and I am surrounded by a calmness from all the love I receive each and every day from friends and family, in the last eighty one days I have created stronger bonds than I have in forty years, I now have people in my life that I know I can depend on and they know they can depend on me, after all isn't that what life is really about, knowing who you are and what you stand for, I know that I am now a man of my word, and I stand for what is right, and my values are now to strong to just sit back and watch when I know I can do something to make a difference, I hope that others will begin to raise there values and not mind there own business, after all, if its someone you love it is your business, James