day83

Day 83 well I would have to say today has been stressful to say the least, john has left to go back to san diego to take care of some business there, and with out him here the weight of all my responsibilities seemed to drag me down all day, its not that my role in this job has changed any, because it hasn't, im doing the same things I was doing when he was here. Its just that I don't want to let him down, it is important to me that things get done in a timely and costly manner, it seems when I feel the pressure my mind races and I get in a hurry, I start to think im behind and try to play catch up and things don't get done right. I found myself a little confused and short tempered and had to take fifteen minutes to myself to slow my brain down, after I thought about what I was doing I realized I was trying to do to much, I also realized I wasn't falling behind, I don't know why at times I feel im not doing a good enough job, but I do. After taking a minute to think about it I realized that I am doing a very good job, I am proud of the fact that I can be trusted with so much responsibility and that I now have the maturity and values to make the right decisions when they come up. I have gained a lot of wisdom throughout my drug use, I was just to high to know what to do with it, I can honestly say I am in the best place in my life that I have ever been, all aspects of my life are gaining strength every day, when I was on drugs I was nothing but an empty shell, I now feel like a giant, James