page 8

Even though he had spent a lot of time with his sister, the two of them having to fend for themselves, he never seemed to feel that brother sister bond, it just wasn't there, is there something wrong with me he thought, James tries to think of happy times but can only remember spending time alone, and it seemed when he did see his mother she was always in a bad mood or so tired she went straight to bed, even though James had spent the first five or six years of his life everyday with his sister he could not place memories of the two of them together in his mind no matter how hard he tried. He felt in his heart he was special and couldn't understand why his family didn't seem to think so. Then he got the news, his mother was sending him back to Tennessee to see his father, he had not seen him in almost two years, he was so happy, he had missed his dad and felt like maybe that's where he belonged, he knew his mother wanted to love him but for some reason she just couldn't. he had herd his parents argueing on the phone but could never make out what they were arguing about but in his mind he believed his father was fighting for him and his mom didn't want him to go, he dreamed of his mother holding on to him, not wanting him to go like he had seen on so many television shows, he had this picture of a perfect loving family in his mind, dad playing catch and mom helping him with his homework, eating meals together, smiles and hugs, but this was not his reality, he thought of seeing his father and how special it would be, finally someone would love him and want him around. As he thought about leaving thoughts of his mother filled his mind, he loved her and felt scared of being away from her, even though he was unhappy and felt she was to, he had adapted to this way of life and was starting to feel secure, he felt like his mother needed him and he was about to abandon her, he felt so guilty and worried for his mother he begged her to let him stay, but she refused. Little did he know the arguments between his mother and father were not about who got to keep him, they were about who had to take him. For the next two days James could do nothing but worry about his mother, over ridden with guilt, picturing her in his mind, crying herself to sleep, wanting her son to be home with her.