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He realizes there is no way he could go out into public looking like such a mess and blood all over him. Under the overpass is a creek, but its about twenty yards down a steep embankment which is over grown with bryors and shrubbery, but he has no choice, he begins to scale the steep hill, pulling the thorns off of him as he descends, and finally making it to the creek, his shirt was the first thing he started to clean, bloody handprints smeared across it, but they had set, not coming out, he sits at the waterside, stairing into it, his mind racing, trying to come up with answers, solutions, anything that could possibly erase all of his actions from the day before, but their were none. He began to cry out loud, and started thinking about his life, what did he have to live for, he had struggled to be happy his hole life but it hasn't happened in forty one years, and after last night, just the thought of it, he knew it would never happen for him, searching for some type of escape his mind went back to when he was six, thinking about going to see his father. He remembers his mother walking him on the plane, tears in his eyes, feeling anxious and scared at the same time, he loved his mother, his heart broke for her, he felt as if she would fall apart the minute he left. But that was not the case, she couldn't deal with him and wanted him gone. As he sat on the plane and thought about his dad, a smile came across his face that he could not remove, he thought about his dad and how wonderful it would feel to be loved, to be special, to be important to someone, his anxiety was going away and the smile on his face seemed to grow and grow, if that was even possible. By the time the plane landed in Tennessee james could not stop smiling, thinking about how his life was going to change, he was going back home, where he had lived the first for years of his life, he thought about the shows that he watched, those families that loved each other, cared for each other, it was finally going to happen for him, as he walked off the plane and looked for his father and did not see him, he began to get scared, feeling more alone than he had ever known, then, out of nowhere his dad was in front of him, he ran to him and tried to hug him but before he could get his arms around him his father stopped him, pushing him back, theirs someone I want you to meet son, he said, and a very young pregnant woman stepped forward, hi, my name is peggy, im your daddies girlfriend, james felt tension the minute his father pushed him away, and he could feel this woman not wanting him here, all of his joy and happiness he felt to see his father immediately faded, he felt alone, and scared.