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He thinks about the constant trips back and forth, California, Tennessee, California, florida, was it ever gonna end, every time, a new town and a new school, trying to fit in once again with new kids, always feeling on the outside of the circle trying to find a way in, he tries to figure out how he got through it all, where is god now, he seemed to be there, throughout his life, he cant remember how god got into his life, but he knows with all his heart he was there, a part of him, he had watched over james through all his mishaps, he had helped him through all of his hurts, he had picked him up, brushed him off, and sent him on his way every time james fell flat on his face, at least that's what he had believed until last night, where did this faith that seemed to be so strong come from, and where did it go, he never went to church, was he just born with it, he never felt afraid of god, even when he was at his worst, because he felt he was pure in his heart, all of his crimes were against himself, mostly drug addiction, always trying to erase the hurt that seem to live within him, either way, god was gone, james could no longer feel any hope of a better life, compation for others, gone, his spirit for life was completely broken, and only anger remained. He thought about all of the people he had known over the years, all the people he wanted to care about him, why didn't they, what was wrong with him, as he sits and thinks about the god he had thought looked after him his hole life and felt blinded by hate, angry that god had cursed him with a life of lonelyness and hurt, he had made him over emotional and weak, god had left him wide open to be a victim to the worlds ways, and gave him enough faith to let it happen over and over and over again,