He takes a good look at himself and realizes he needs to clean up, so he starts tearing through his fathers drawers searching for some clean clothes that might fit him. He finally finds something to change into and starts the shower, as he empties his pockets he counts out about four hundred dollars and a power ball ticket, the ticket seems irrelevant to him but he had never thrown an old ticket away until he bought a new one so the ticket stayed with the four hundred dollars cash that he had. James took his time getting cleaned up all the while thinking of where his life should go from here, thinking was the last thing he wanted to do, all he wanted to do was leave his mind, escape, he headed to his fathers fridge and grabbed what beer was left inside, about eight beers in a twelve pack, he grabbed the twelve pack and headed for the living room, turned on the tv, sitting about five feet from his father dead on the floor, he watched tv, putting beers back as quick as he could open them until he was able to pass out. James was out for two or three hours and as he started to wake he knew he didn't want to, he wanted it to be over, he wanted to die as he had for many years but knew he couldn't do it himself. He tried and tried to go back to sleep but it just wasn't happenning, he was so angry at so many people and as he thought about his life and how it should have been, his anger seemed to grow, his mother came to mind and it was a quick decision, he would pay a visit to her next, she lived a long way from where he was but that didn't matter, he felt she held a huge responsibility in why he was the way he was, it was time for her to explain to him, why she couldn't and didn't care for him like she did all of her other children, why he was worth less than his brothers and sisters seemed to be a puzzle to him, he was a loving and caring child that tried so hard to do what was right, he just wanted to make everyone else happy, and he tried so hard but it never seemsd to matter. As he begins to sober up he knows its time to leave, his mother lived over five hundred miles away and he new there was no way he would last another ten hours living in his mind without drugs to ease the pain. Hooterville was less than five miles away, time to go get some crack and beer for the road. The police seemed to be no concern to james, they had to be looking for him, but it was the last thing on his mind, he had avoided the police most of his life and knew there wasn't much to it, always look them in the eyes when your talking to them and never look nervous, james had done this for years and had no problem dealing with them, in fact, it kind of gave him a rush to talk his way out of situation after situation.
No comments:
Post a Comment