Day109 its Saturday morning, about five thirty, went to bed about twelve and been up since four, I wrote a blog last night but lost it while posting, I guess it wasn't supposed to be there, my mind is really wandering, Kimberly moved out last night, im happy and sad, work is wonderful, I have a nice place to live and its going to be even nicer when I move out to the ranch, and im starting to have a lot of nice things but there's still an emptiness, I wanted to be with someone so badly and im sad it didn't work for kimberly and I but I also realize im not ready to make the sacrifices in my life to make her happy, so staying with her is only going to make me unhappy, I do feel a definite maturity coming to me that ive never known before, I and I like it very much but there is still a feeling of unhappiness or loneliness, I wouldn't call it depression, just kinda the feeling of being lost or unsure. There is definitely something missing in my life, but I will not try to mask these feelings, I will continue to search for what is missing, and live the best I can during the search, James
Hang in there friend, you are doing great. Life is not always peaches and cream but youv'e figured that out already. You know, I never got into the whole 12 step thing and never understood the "One day at a time" bumper stickers (I thought it had something to do with the TV show and Valerie Bertinelli!). But, in the last few years, I have come to better understand that saying. If I can just get through today, even if it is really crappy, I can worry about tomorrow, well, tomorrow! Duuhhhh!! Took a blonde to figure that one out! So, maybe if that saying helps you see things a little clearer today, it's worth it. Have a great halloween, love you always:) Karin
ReplyDeleteWow....that should really be nice living out on a ranch! I'll bet you're going to take up horseback riding on the ranch. Do you think you'll spend the Christmas holidays with your family in Tennessee? I hope they're able to visit you out on the ranch someday as it seems like that would be a lot of fun.....especially for your grandaughter. I think you will eventually find what is missing in your life if you just keep searching, developing new interests, and just keep living a life that makes you feel good about yourself. None of us are perfect though, so don't be too hard on yourself if you have a bad day now & then. I am glad that you don't feel the need for drugs & alcohol to solve your problems any more. Glad you got so sick the day after you drank the twelve-pack. It shows how far you've come. Hang in there and just keep moving forward. God Bless!
ReplyDelete