day 104, four years old

First of all, I would like to thank my mother for getting some things straight from yesterday, comment 4 on day 103, now back to the story, it seems I was very accident prone when I lived in rancho penasquitos, I remember two injuries for sure but I think there was three, I remember someone gave me a bike, it was either my uncle Joe, which I think lived at the same apartments as us or my dad, for some reason I think he came to see us, I don't remember seeing him but I think that's where I got my bike from, anyway, someone was trying to teach me to ride it and I remember running into the curb, I was only four and I think it was a twenty inch bike, a little big for me. I ended up biting a hole through my tongue, they had to stitch the hole closed and I had to drink soup through a straw for what seemed like weeks, it didn't bother me much though because I liked soup a lot. Then there was our baby sitter, I remember she used to always ask if we had our fingers out of the car door before she closed it, and I always said yes, well one of the times I didn't, it messed my finger up so bad I had a cast all the way up my arm, my finger nail is still messed up to this day, another injury that happened which im not sure when but I think it was around this time was more stitches, it's the first memory I have of my sister, I set a board across a rock, like a see saw, and my sister put a rock on one side and told me to jump on the other, kids being kids, the end result was a rock splitting my chin open, back to the hospital for more stitches, I believe all of this happened in the same year but im not sure, another memory I have is stealing ten dollars out of my mothers purse and spending all of it on the ice cream man, I don't remember how she caught me, but I do remember lying to her when she asked me about it. I remember a lot more than what I thought, but im not going to get to it all tonight, but there is something I want gone from my life, something that someone did to an innocent child, a child that wanted nothing more than to make others happy, a child that would do anything to make friends, there was a man in a wheel chair that lived below us and he would ask me in his apartment all the time, I remember him getting me to give him oral sex, ive only told one person and that was very recent, I don't understand why I feel guilty or embarrassed, ashamed and humiliated, like I did something wrong, and the feeling of how people will look at me and what there thinking, but the point is I know im not the only one, and others are carrying things like this around with them to, things like this shouldn't be swept under the carpet, they should be dealt with, our society somehow has got it turned around, the innocent parties feel guilty and the guilty parties don't seem to care, well I care, and im ready to rid myself of the guilt and humiliation that this memory has kept inside my mind for so long, I hope my story will help others ease their minds of past memories, and if anyone reading this can set some of the facts straight I would really appreciate it, this story will continue tomorrow, James