day101

Day 101 lately I felt a loss for words, I know I am over the drug addiction, and alcohol, I am no longer blinded by them, its like I have risen above them and can finally see past the damage they have caused in my life, and will cause if I ever use them again, but I am realizing that is only the beginning of my growth, I have struggled quite abit with emotions and choices and making the right decisions for me to continue on this path. I am realizing I still have so much to learn, I feel there is not much difference between making important decisions and being cruel, but I know that I am not a cruel person, its just not in me, so maybe that's where a lot of my unhappiness has come from, worrying so much about hurting others and not worrying about my own happiness, I see this as a road to destruction, my destruction, I will continue to try to do what I can for others but I think I need to not make so many compromises to my own personal happiness from fear of hurting other peoples feelings, I have gotten a lot of good advice from all who read, but just like a child I have to stick my hand in the fire to see how hot it is, and as usual, fire is hot. I am very happy about where I am emotionally and how I am handling myself in unfamiliar situations but I must remember I already have a bunch of responsibilities and I have gained them in a very short time, I believe my job could be very overwhelming even for a lot of people who are not as far behind as I was in my life, but I love my job and find it to be very challenging and that makes it fun for me, I look forward to holding much more responsible positions in my future but I know I have a lot to learn about myself before I take on much more, quitting drugs and alcohol is just the beginning of rewriting my life, and deciding who I want to be, I going to start writing about my childhood and hope that anyone reading that knows me will offer bits and pieces as the story goes along because it is all very vague to me, and it is not to place blame on anybody, it is because I have lived a very adventurous life from a very young age and I believe it is a story that should be told. It will be a rollercoaster of emotion that will open peoples eyes and allow them to feel, highs and lows, and hopefully bring a new appreciation to the life around us all thanks to all for taking the time to read, James

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