Day102 i believe that everything does happen for a reason, these last few weeks have been very confusing for me, I thought I was so ready for a commitment, ready to get on with the next step of my life, but I am starting to believe I was just afraid of being alone, trying to fix my insecurities by clinging on to the first person that showed any interest in me, I guess I didn't believe in myself as much as I thought I did. I have been in relationships non stop since I was eighteen, and on drugs since I was twelve or thirteen, I realize there is no way I know who I am and three months definitely isn't enough time to figure out exactly where I stand in life, to drag somebody else into my life when I don't even know where its going would just be selfish and foolish on my part. But I do believe that I met Kimberly for a reason, she has about the same amount of clean time and her own issues to deal with, today she started her own blog, and I was very impressed, you see I believe without my blog and getting honest with myself I wouldn't of made the changes that were necessary in order for me to be where I am today, I believe without this blog, if I was even still clean my life would be an everyday struggle to stay clean, and I would not be able to carry anywhere near the responsibilities that I do today. I am very much looking forward to watching my new friend Kimberly sift through her feelings and find the solutions she needs to make a better and happier life for herself, it always warms my heart to see people bring joy to themselves. Life seems to be such a struggle for a lot of people and happiness will never be found for those who never look, kimberly made her first post today and I believe she is a much better writer than me, so if you enjoy reading, her sight is butterflyunraveling.blogspot.com if you find the time, check it out. Until tomorrow, James
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Jimmy. When I went through my divorce 10 years ago I went out and tried to make up for every woman I missed out on in 15 years of a hellish marriage. 7 Years ago one night I woke up with all drama around me because of these girls I was playin with along with single parenting. I was neglecting my children my life and my self because of it. Not to mention them girls were like feeding cats, couldn't get rid of em always back for more. The more, the more drama. I finally decided it was time to work on myself and raise my children.
ReplyDeleteHere I am 7 years later still single because I don't have time to move on an impulse.
You'll know when the time is right brother, hold that friend dear, and cherish the friendship because that's what a relationship is built and founded on, as you have all of us here to care about you bro, that's what it's all about. Not about feeling or impulse.
In that time of self work I came to know who God is and what he wants from me.
You're not done soul searching yet bro, take time to reflect and listen to that still small voice that speaks to our hearts we call our conscience. It will never lead you wrong it is the Lord speaking not a conscience.
How does this body of flesh end up with a spirit or inward man, an energy that drives it? Do you really believe it was from a tadpole? Mutation?Ape? Or what so not. There is an unseen realm out there that you know calls your heart towards eternity, a place your soul is searching for, a place where you are being directed towards for the answers.
Listen to that still small voice that tells your heart to do right.
God Bless Jimmy!
I checked out your friend's blog, but she does not allow "anonymous" comments and I am not signing up for one more thing that requires a password. :) It seems the common element to recovery is to remove yourself geographically from the culture that lead you down the path of drugs and co-dependency...But for her, she moved to Oklahoma as part of her same cycle and that worries me.
ReplyDeleteJimmy take some time and get to know who you are and what you really like. Read some books, look at Art.......do not jump into a relationship with another damaged person until you have grown past your own damaged past. Its gonna take more than three short months to find out who you really are.
ReplyDeleteIt took years for me to get over my first divorce, years and years before I knew who I was and what I wanted and there were no drugs or even alcohol in my life. I like being me and I want you to learn who you are and learn to like being alone. I don't think anyone can have a relationship until they enjoy who they are and can deal with life alone. Then you find someone who fits your space and whose space you fit. You are not ready for that yet.
Still very proud of you but take your time and don't look for butterflies just yet....eventually when you are sitting around loving the world around you.....a butterfly will land on your shoulder..........love Aunt P