north dakota

wow i dont even know where to begin i do know im very happy to be writing again, ive missed it alot, i have gone up and down quite a bit these last couple of years  and lived in five different states some of them twice, i was pretty much duffle baggin it and stayin on couches, stayin clean for a month or two but i always seem to find my way back to gettin high, and im usually pretty good at hiding for a month or two till pretty soon i gotta start borrowing money cause i cant put gas in my car, i am amazed that i have been able to live as long as i have jumping back and forth across that line and i am sure that most of the people that i grew up with or met on the way most likely thought i would have been dead or homeless at this point in my life, and to be honest with u im just as surprized as those who know me, i believe when i first started writing this thing it saved my life, i cant really explain how, but i know it did, i needed to write to remind myself how deceptive it is on the other side and how quickly i get lost over there, i ended up moving to north dakota on an over night descision rite around january first, not really knowing what to expect and not really having a job lined up, and when i got there i wanted to go home, the wind chill was seventy one below and i was up there in my carrhart work jacket and no gloves or beanie and not enough money left to buy the stuff i needed, i really thought out of all the stupid things i had done this had to top the list and i knew my borrowing  and never payin people back had taken its toll on anyone and everyone that i could possibly call for help, but i had to call and ask anyway, i had no choice, i was here and i was stuck, and this huge mistake that i had thought i made has taken my life to a level i have never known, ive been up here goin on eight months,i finally for the first time in my life have my own place that feels like home my income is through the roof and my bills are lower than they have ever been and i havent wanted to get high in a very long time, i am truely blessed i hope to do alot more writing and my cousin and i are doing a small film project in september of this year, to anyone out there that i have let down , misled or taken advantage of  i hope you know that when i say that i am sorry it is sincere, i work every day at trying to be a better more patient and understanding person, im very happy to be back on here and hopefully it will bring some knowledge and inspiration to someone who needs it, james
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