Day111, im feeling a bit upset today, alone I guess and kinda hurt, I believe when you go out of your way to help other people you shouldn't expect anything back, and I don't want to expect anything back, but I do, I guess it still bothers me when people don't offer something in return, maybe that's normal, I don't know. I feel conflicted, kind of angry that im not getting anything in return, and im starting to feel like I don't want to help others, fuck em, what do they do for me, but I know in my heart this isn't right, I don't want to not care, but it seems the less you care, the more people want to be a part of your life, I don't understand it, im tired and frustrated and feel like I just want to be left alone but I don't want to be lonely, im feeling pretty upset and confused, am I not good enough, am I to nice, do I try to hard, what am I doing wrong, James
You are responsible for your own happiness. No one else is and no one should have to make you happy. Needy people are not fun to be around and drain your energy. Quit being needy and learn to like yourself. That comes first. Make yourself happy, the absolute best advise I every got. Perhaps Jim you need some medication, maybe you suffer from depression and need something to pop you out of it. But saying that. I also believe y ou are responsibe for you own happiness and should not expect your family, friends, and anyone else to make you happy. Aunt Paula
ReplyDeleteJim, It sounds like maybe you are trying too hard. I've been following your blogs for quite some time, and I think you're a good person with a good heart. But you do need to learn to really like yourself. I think you're lacking in self-confidence and are too dependent on what others think about you, and, since I grew up feeling that way, I know what it's like. I've had to learn to gain confidence in myself and decide that I don't have to put up with people that treat me like crap. I sub as an aide for the Beaverton Schools, and if a teacher or aide treats me badly, I will never work in that classroom again, as I refuse to be treated that way. I'm a good person and a hard worker and I don't have to put up with that b.s. I've also had to learn not to let people use me or take advantage of me either. There are those people around that just use people and don't appreciate them. I worked with a girl that didn't own a car and she always expected me to drive her around and never offered to pay for gas, and would "kiss up" to me so I'd drive her to the Transit station or sometimes to her place, and then be a bitch to me at work. The reason I'm telling you my story is so you can learn from it. Jim, you can be nice to people, but you don't have to be anybody's doormat, and I would stay away from people like that. And start looking in the mirror and liking that guy that you're staring at. Maybe sit down and write down what you think are some of your good qualities and on the other side write down what you think are some of your bad qualities. I'll bet the good will outweigh the bad by a landslide, as you have done so much in such a short time. I'm really impressed with the amazing work you've done on those houses too. Just remember too, that we all have good days and bad days. Above all, don't let your happiness depend on what others say or do (or don't do) to you. You have worked hard and you need to appreciate and like that guy in the mirror! Just keep telling yourself that you're a good person, because you are! I've probably rambled on too much as usual, but I just want to help you. You have no idea how miserable I was growing up with an inferiority complex and how easily I got my feelings hurt by everyone. When you start liking yourself more, you'll decide you don't have to take anyone else's crap. God Bless, Jim
ReplyDeleteJimmy, sometimes I feel exactly the same way! I hold doors for people, let them into the line of cars, say please and thank you...to no avail! BUT, that doesn't mean I am a bad person, it means THEY are idiots! The world is full if them. But, to stoop to their level makes you just as big an idiot as them...YOU ARE NOT (and neither am I). Just keep doing what you're doing and it will be fine. Keep smiling at people. You might just make someone's day and then it will be all worth it. Sometimes when I feel really blown off, like I just held the door for someone and they didn't even have the courtesy to thank me or even make eye contact! I just say really loud behind them "YOU'RE WELCOME!!!". I still hold the door for people, I still do all of the courteous things I do everyday but I make damm sure that when someone does those same things for me, I thank them A LOT! I hope that mean they will keep doing it as well as I will too. Does that help? I am sorry you are feeling alone...it's a hard feeling to have but know that tomorrow is another day and it will be better tomorrow. Call me if you need to:) I love you and am here for you if you need to talk.
ReplyDeleteKarin
I also have been reading your blog since the beginning, and one thing I have noticed is that you are very fixated on immediate results. You still have some work to do on yourself before you can start expecting a lot from other people. Have you already settled your debts to your own children? I notice you don't mention them much...As you look back on your childhood do you also reflect on their childhood? Just asking...
ReplyDelete