page 121

Page 121, it seems life is getting harder for me, but I believe that is because im trying harder to do what is right. I find it amazing that the more you try to make the right decisions and head in the right direction the more people come out of the woodworks and try to intimidate and misdirect you, I am having a hard time finding how to handle these situations, in my mind I am so angry with some of these people I catch myself plotting killing sprees, but in my heart I know this is so so wrong, I know they are just trying to draw the anger out of me to watch me fail for their own misguided pleasures, I see no hope or future in this so I will find a way to contain my anger and not be persuaded to make any foolish mistakes brought on by the childish acts of others. I guess this is just one of many more tests to come in my life. I have experienced so many different ways of life and have seen just how ugly people can be, almost evil I would say, I would love to find a place where I can walk through life without this hate interfering with me but I am finding it most likely is impossible, so instead I will look at it as just another nuisance for me to overcome. I must find a way to not let other peoples hate, jealousies and insecurities spill into me, I believe this will help me gain wisdom and maturity to help me walk right through these road blocks that seem to keep popping up in front of me, I am at a very good place in my life, not wanting or needing the approval of others, I know that I am on a path to a new me, I can feel it in everything I do, and nothing or know one can take it away, I am truly beginning to know who I am and what I want in life, I have love for everyone and everything, even those who want to knock me down, and for those who try to knock me down, my heart is filled with sorrow for you.

James………………………………................................