page 116

Page 116 I know that it has been awhile since ive posted, it seems ive having a very hard time enjoying my life, I feel as if something is wrong with me, as I watch TV , and find a range of emotions in the hope and inspiration in movies, they make me laugh out loud or Saab like a baby, a range I do not find in my everyday life, I wonder if I am deceived by the lure of what I believe life is really like and what I have learned over the years of watching shows and movies that have put this extraordinary idea in my head of what life should be like, I am hooked on big ideas and dreams of being extraordinary and trying to except this idea of being ordinary is hard for me to fathom, it is hard for me to except, I feel I am not average and there is so much I am supposed to do, I feel like I am not fulfilling my destiny, I want to make a difference in lives all over, I feel like im out of my mind, like I should just conform to what we call regular life but I know that will not work for me and I will not find the happiness I am looking for until I am able to find a way to inspire others the way I am inspired, like the movies, am I odd or crazy, maybe, but I do not care, this is how I feel, James

Page 116 I know that it has been awhile since ive posted, it seems ive having a very hard time enjoying my life, I feel as if something is wrong with me, as I watch TV , and find a range of emotions in the hope and inspiration in movies, they make me laugh out loud or Saab like a baby, a range I do not find in my everyday life, I wonder if I am deceived by the lure of what I believe life is really like and what I have learned over the years of watching shows and movies that have put this extraordinary idea in my head of what life should be like, I am hooked on big ideas and dreams of being extraordinary and trying to except this idea of being ordinary is hard for me to fathom, it is hard for me to except, I feel I am not average and there is so much I am supposed to do, I feel like I am not fulfilling my destiny, I want to make a difference in lives all over, I feel like im out of my mind, like I should just conform to what we call regular life but I know that will not work for me and I will not find the happiness I am looking for until I am able to find a way to inspire others the way I am inspired, like the movies, am I odd or crazy, maybe, but I do not care, this is how I feel, James

page 115

Page 115 ive really been doing a lot of thinking, ive been very worried about myself and afraid of failing because I feel like I cant get past this wall, so I have taken the advice of my readers, I spoke with some people from a first Baptist church today a made a commitment for Sunday morning, ten thirty, I am realizing I did not get this far by waiting for things to happen, and if I don't seek out things to make my life better, it wont be. It seems like my mind was starting to slip back into my old way of thinking and I know where that will get me, ive been there and it wasn't fun before so im sure it wont be now, so I will take the steps to make change in my life and I will follow the advice of all of you people that have kept me going so far, id like to give special thanks to my friend in chatt who seems to be doing very well and took the time to call me and tell me to get to church, thanks to all the comments and please kept them coming, James