James sits at the bar where he has been for the last five hours, it is a small bar and off the beating path, with only five or six people inside. James has been sober and free of using any drugs for one year to the day, but that was all about to change, as he sits drinking for the first time in a year, anger fills his heart and any hope for a better life is draining quickly from his mind. He has never felt such hate or discontent about life and everything about it as he does at this very moment. Consequences, rules, laws, for the first time in his life he felt hatred towards everything, a lifetime of compassion and caring, trying to do what is right, it is all over, one to many hurts has taken his mind into the darkness. As he sits at the bar drinking, his anger growing towards the world in general, his attention is drawn by a man arguing with his girl friend, as he listens he hopes the man will get out of hand so he can take his hate and anger out on him, someone, anyone, please say the wrong thing, he thinks to himself, and then it happens, the woman smacks her boyfriend and he curses her and strikes her back. James puts his hands in his pockets and pulls everything out, a twenty dollar bill and a power ball ticket, he has been an avid player for at least three years, always playing the same numbers, 6, 14, 17, 21, and 28, the power ball number was 22, 6 is his birthday, 14 is his oldest sons, 17 is another two sons birthdays, two years apart, but born on the same day, December 17th, the 21rst was his girlfriends of the last 18 years, and the 28th, his daughters, the 22nd was a special number to him, it was his youngest sons and his aunt paulas birthday, both of thes people were extra special to james, and he had actually believed every single time he bought a ticket he was going to win, twice a week for the last three years. as he watched what was going on at the end of the bar he took his last twenty and went to the bar tender, a very cute, petite young woman who seemed to have her mind on something or someone far away from this place as it was a little difficult to get her attention even though she was standing only three feet from him on the other side of the bar, james handed her his last twenty and asked for a shot of booze and change for the jukebox, james felt cold, angry, full of rage, his life was more than half over and all he had to his name was the change from his twenty and a power ball ticket that he felt was a waste of another dollar, as he walked to the juke box anger blackened his mind as he thought about where he was in life, he felt life had done nothing but take from him and he was done with what is right, he was ready to take back, fuck everyone, fuck everything, its time to take, as he looked through the songs he saw one that was perfect for where he was in his mind, broken by pantera, he put his money in and started the song, as he walked back to the bar to ask the bartender to turn up the volume, he thought to himself about the consequences of what he was about to do, his past ran through his mind and he realized there is no way to right the wrongs he has done, he feels he is dead in gods eyes and already living in his own hell, consequences, fuck consequences,
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