the book of james anew page three

The book of james anew, page three, I don't even know where to start, im so confused, im trying so hard to find my place in life but I have never felt this out of place before, I find myself just existing and unimportant to anyone or anything, I want to have a purpose but I am so unsure of my thoughts and what I want to believe that I feel like im in battle with myself to even continue existing, I want so bad to make a difference and be a part of something that changes our outlook on the human race, religion seems to be so touchy that people run the other way when you bring it up,I have read some of the bible and I see drunkards and prostitutes and theives and even murderers snatched up in faith and changing the world they lived in, I have put my faith in god and have decided to slow my life down and pay more attention to my actions and take more pride in who I am and how I live, but it seems since ive made these decisions, well I have never felt more alone or suicidal in my life, but I will not break my faith in god, I will reach farther down in my soul for the strength that he has instilled in me at birth, I will not be defeated by doubt, at times I wonder if im crazy because of my thoughts and what I believe, but then again whos to say whos crazy, should I worry about you judging me, or should I track down what I believe to be right and tackle it without a second thought. I want to live, and enjoy my life as I live, I know in my heart I will never find happiness working a nine to five and getting by with just paying the bills, I feel angry, upset and let down by god, but I believe that is human nature, and I believe it is time for me to show a little maturity and follow what is in my heart, to put my belief in something bigger than me, to chase happiness, and I believe Christianity to be right, I think it is a long road, but feeling good about who you are and caring for other people cant be wrong, I feel as if some force is trying to stomp out my soul, I will take this on faith that I am doing something right. james

the book of james anew, page 2

The book of James anew page two im sure alot of people are thinking ya right, now he found god, well the fact of the matter is, ive always had god with me, I just didn't know him, id like to say I know him now but I cant, I can say I know of him, and I am learning the ways of his son, I was baptized on easter but I will have you know there was no bolt of lightning or some sudden change in who I am, just a commitment to make suddle changes in my life, I will not be knocking on your door telling you to confess your sins or you will burn in hell, what I will be doing is reevaluating who I am and what really brings joy to ones heart, because I have been without any for what seems to be eternity, my goal is to mature, to gain wisdom, emotional wisdom, to learn how to be true to myself and all those I come in contact with, for me, to know that I have given to others unselfishly, makes me feel good, how can that be wrong, I feel very alone and kinda isolated, but I feel good about who I am and even better about where I am In my life and where im going, I want nothing more than my life to continue in this direction but I can feel myself dying without the interaction of others, I need all the support I can get, thanks, james

the book of james anew, page one

its been awhile since ive been here, my life has turned up side down once again, but it is what it is, the important thing i believe is to get back to what feels right, ive gone through some scary changes over the last two years and have been in some really dark places in my mind, but over the last three months or so i have been educated quite a bit about christianity, i have been baptized, and i have made a vow to god to become a better and stronger christian, i have never felt such forces working so hard against me, if not for the blind faith i have taken in the lord i would not believe he even existed,i have never felt such loneliness as i do at this point in my life, but my faith will stay unwaivering and i will know that i am in his grace, i will open the doors that he puts in front of me with no fear, only anticipation of what challenges he might have me face, and i will spend every moment searching for wisdom and maturity to handle all that is thrown at me, i am inspired by the word of god, james